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I flushed as knowing eyes darted to me, then lifted my chin, refusing to feel the horror that would have once consumed me. Caldris growled a warning in response, but I let a shame-free smile claim my face as I leaned toward the arena.

“There’s no need to be jealous, Kahlo! I’m sure you’ll understand one day.”

The God of Beasts grinned at me as I leaned back in my seat, ignoring the way Nila chuckled at my side.

“That must have been quite the evening,” she said, those fingers squeezing me through my dress as she touched an affectionate hand to my knee.

“Not another word,” I said, a smile tugging at my mouth as I turned to look at the woman who had quickly become a friend—a light in the darkness of Tar Mesa. When Mab was dealt with, I had no doubt she would fit right in and find a home with Imelda, Fallon, and I.

A strangled gasp came from the ring as Ilaria dropped to her knees. She grasped her throat, blood pouring from the gash cut across her deep beige skin. It would heal, as the weapon hadn’t been iron, but it didn’t matter.

She’d lost her final fight.

Eryx huffed out a breath, smiling in relief that quickly faded as he watched tears pool in Ilaria’s eyes. He lowered himself to his knees as her skin began to heal itself, pulling her into his arms and holding her as she wept for the life she would no longer have.

Tears gathered in my own eyes as I watched. Caldris and Kahlo stopped fighting, turning to watch Eryx comfort Ilaria. They exchanged a single glance between themselves, their chests heaving with exertion.

Then they dropped their swords upon the sand, their fight over. What had seemed so important only a few moments before hardly mattered any longer.

Not when one of their own prepared to say goodbye.

My mate’s eyes met mine, and I read the apology in them. We both knew he’d wanted to win for me, to prove whatever part of him wondered if he was worthy of what he saw as my goodness.

He didn’t realize that he proved that far more efficiently by ending the fight than he would have by winning.

38

Estrella

I didn’t go to Caldris’s rooms that night. I couldn’t stomach the thought of spending my evening with him, knowing that somewhere within the palace of Tar Mesa, a Goddess prepared to lose her life. Seven people didn’t know they’d be walking to their death the next day.

I closed my eyes after Nila left, the violence simmering in me taking charge. Rheaghan’s words the night before washed over me, the reminder of what Mab and Malazan had done to my mate. What he’dallowedthem to do to him to save me from suffering.

The creature rose within me, dancing over my skin as I summoned the shadows to my bidding. They answered, swirling around me and sending a gust of night air into my face. The shadow realm opened to me as I slowly pried my eyes open, staring into the pathway.

No one could know.

I glanced toward the door, listening for any hint of activity on the other side. Malachi, or whoever had taken over for him, was silent, and I hoped whoever it was hadn’t fallen asleep.

I needed my alibi to be awake.

I stepped into the shadows, letting them surround me as I thought of my destination. As I imaginedher, I let the shadows shift and mold in front of me. I reached the shield around my rooms that prevented shadow walking, touching a single hand tothe boundary. It parted to allow me to pass, reshaping itself once I was through.

I followed the path, walking slowly. I’d killed before—Fae and human alike. I knew what it was to have blood on my hands and regret it—to wonder if it could have been avoided. But each and every time I’d acted and brought death upon someone, I’d done it in defense of myself.

This was different. This was cold-blooded murder, and even as I walked alongside the halls of Tar Mesa, I knew this would leave a different kind of mark on my soul.

In a better world, I would have brought Caldris and allowed him to be the one to end his abuser’s life. He would have been able to have his own revenge, but Mab could force the truth from him. If he was involved in any way, she would know without a doubt who had committed the crime.

This was my secret to keep.

Rheaghan’s warning echoed in my head, a confirmation that I needed to be smart about seeking my vengeance. For the way she’d brushed her hand against Caldris’s groin as she forced him to dance with her. For all the little touches I’d pretended not to notice as I danced and smiled, plotting my revenge even as I moved my body to the drums.

For each of those, she would suffer.

It didn’t surprise me that Malazan’s rooms were right next to Mab’s—that the two women would stay so close to one another made sense. Malazan was the closest thing Mab had to a friend, though I didn’t doubt that the latter would sacrifice the former if it worked to her advantage.

I strolled past the hallway, walking into her darkened room as she slept. Stepping out of the shadows, I sent them skittering to the corners, waiting until I needed to call upon them once more.