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Pressure blooms behind my ribs, but it’s not painful. No, the pressure is warm and gentle, pulsing with the beat of my heart.

Gaze filling with tenderness, he gently tucks a strand of my hair behind my ear.

The warmth in my chest begins to spread to the rest of my limbs, filling me with a pleasurable languidness.

And for one wonderful moment I can imagine never hurting again. I can imagine what it would be like to behis.

To be loved. To be safe. To be protected.

And most of all, cherished.

Everything I’ve never had.

But then he ruins the whole moment by saying, “Break down the wall you’ve built between us and you’ll never need it again.”

I don’t think, I just react.

Shoving hard at his chest, I shout in his face, “No!”

He doesn’t budge. He doesn’t blink or flinch.

Tightening his hold on my shoulders so I can’t escape, he says softly, gently, “You have to, my love, if you ever want to experience true happiness.”

I shake my head hard. “It will kill me.”

And I still haven’t given up on life yet.

I want a chance to live. Truly live with the freedom everyone else has. To make my own decisions. Make my own mistakes.

To control my own destiny.

To behuman.

There are so many things I’ve never had the chance to do. So many things I’ve never had the chance to see.

I want to see the sun rising above the horizon for once, turning all the black into pinks, oranges, and reds. I want to run through the grass, barefoot.

The blades between my toes and the dirt grinding into my heels. The wind whipping at my face and tugging at my hair as I race between the trees.

I want to put every ugly memory behind me. To put as much distance between Boston and me as possible.

And I can’t do it if I’m dead.

Raphael’s hold becomes even tighter.

“All those things you want… Everything you desire…” he croons into my ear.

The world around me smears as if someone dragged their thumb across it then glows painfully bright.

I squeeze my eyes shut as everything turns a blinding white and sway on my feet. His embrace the only thing keeping me upright.

“I will give them to you,” Raphael vows, his voice echoing both inside my chest and somewhere in the distance.

A soft breeze brushes against my cheek and the smell of grass and trees and earth teases at my senses. Growing stronger with each passing second.

When the bright glow behind my eyelids dims, I twist in his arms and slowly open my eyes to see what’s happened.

At first, all I see is green. A sea of tall, green grass stretching out in front of me as far as my eyes can see.