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“Not all the time.”

“You’re a Marine.” Patton cuts his eyes at our friend. “You don’t wake and bake.”

“Marines smoke. They drink. Pot’s legal now.”

“I have a better idea.” Patton leans back, rubbing his fingers over his mouth. “Something for after this. Something that will use all our skills.”

“Go.” Marley sits up. “Anything’s better than staring at the jungle all day and night.”

“Fletcher International.”

Marley groans and Sawyer enters the room. “What’d I miss?”

“Patton still believes his dad’s going to retire and give him the business.”

“He will, and when he does, I’m making us all filthy rich.”

Marley snatches a golf ball off Patton’s desk and tosses it in the air. “I thought we came here to get away from all that.”

“We came here to serve and protect,” Patton agrees. “And when we leave, I’ve got us covered.”

“I’m covered.” Sawyer’s voice is quiet.

“Yeah, Sawyer’s got a hundred acres back home.” Marley gives me a shove back. “You were there.”

“Sawyer enlisted so he could have a break.” I’m teasing along, but he cuts a glance at me. I told him I was serious about his sister, and I meant it.

“That’s a long way off.” Marley tosses me the golf ball. “I didn’t come here to sit around dreaming. I’m going to find something to do.”

15

Noel

April

Dolly Parton says when you’re feeling low, put on your favorite high heels and stand a little taller. I’ve spent nine months getting up every morning and slipping into a different pair of heels.

I went through the motions of cooking, cleaning, making sure Leon had what he needed and got to school on time. Mindy kept up with me, invited me to college functions, but it was hard to be interested in extracurricular activities.

Students would get so excited about football games and homecoming and beating our big rivals, but I couldn’t seem to muster the energy to care. I did manage to pull off almost all As in my business classes, with my only B in accounting.

My birthday was a day-long, off and on, Facetime call with Taron. He sent me a birthday care package, which we opened together—a big box of Mayan chocolate, a sterling silver and turquoise ring he said is from Taxco, a blown-glass ombre heart, and a small wooden skull decorated in flowers and brilliant designs for Día de los Muertos. I held up each one and raved over how beautiful and thoughtful his gifts were. I promised I’d never take the ring off my finger.

Sawyer called me, one of the two times we’ve talked since he left. As usual, he was direct, to the point. How’s the orchard, how’s Leon, how am I… My answer was good to all. He said it was pretty quiet where they were, and he said he and Taron were looking out for each other. He didn’t say anything about their conversation concerning me.

I wished I could give him a hug. After nineteen years, I’ve learned while my big brother doesn’t say much, his feelings run deep. Sometimes the only way he can express himself is through a hug or a pat on the back or a smile. I miss him more than I thought I would.

Leon’s present to me was a “Get out of Work Free” card… which meant he did all the cooking and cleaning on my special day. He made our breakfast—or McDonald’s did. He cleaned up and said he’d be back with dinner, after he took off to spend the day with Betsy. Betsy’s mother sent dinner.

I didn’t really mind.

In the afternoon, I drove up to the Pine Hills nursing home and dropped off a basket of peach muffins, fudge, and surplus items from my online store. Aunt Doris passed a few weeks back, and while it was sad, I was glad she was at peace. It was difficult seeing her drift further and further away from us in her mind.

Mindy wasn’t there when I arrived, but I sat and chatted with Miss Jessica Priddy, the old spinster who used to live in the house next door to us. She doesn’t have dementia, but she says her health is too poor for her to live alone. She’s small and birdlike, and she wears her hair in a little bun at the nape of her neck. She’s usually wearing lip gloss and a fancy smock over her clothes, and I wonder what it would be like to have only friends to take care of you.

After a lonely dinner in front of the fire, I ended the day in my bed, talking to Taron until we fell asleep. The next morning, I woke to a dark screen and cold sheets, and I stayed under the blankets with tears in my eyes until well after noon.

Months passed, and it started to feel like the heaviness would never leave, but as always, time turned out to be the healer.