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They were in a memory. Alex had known it the instant they’d arrived at the summit of the beautiful, snow-covered mountain. A memory drawn straight from her mind; one that would test her strength and draw upon everything within her if she was to withstand a live-action replay of the worst moment of her life.

“What the hell?” Jordan said, his voice still barely reaching Alex’s foggy ears. “That’s Aven’s best friend who escaped from prison and killed the king. Why are you with him, Alex?”

Alex didn’t respond.Couldn’trespond.

Shaking worse than she had at any stage while hanging off the rocky cliff, all she could do was watch from the sidelines as her memory-self desperately tried to stem the flow of Niyx’s blood, to no avail.

She watched as Soraya disappeared and reappeared with thelaendrathat she then smeared across Niyx’s chest and forced him to drink.

She watched as Niyx looked up at her with his knowing, apologetic eyes, fully aware of his fate even if she wasn’t willing to believe it.

She watched as he spoke to her in a rasping, pained voice, “Kitten, there’s nothing you can do.”

She watched as she adamantly tried to prove him wrong, unwilling to entertain the possibility that he was right.

She watched as his wounds failed to close, failed to heal.

She watched as he uttered the words that had destroyed her at the time, and again later when she’d read them in the letter he’d left behind for her: “I always knew I would die for you.”

And then she continued to watch as the rest of the scene played out until he reached up and cupped her face with his bloodied hand, whispering his final words.

“I’ll always be with you, kitten. For as long as there are stars in the sky.”

Through it all, Alex stood paralysed, unable to do anything but watch the memory play out. Inside, she was screaming over and over,STOPSTOPSTOPSTOPSTOP, but no words escaped her mouth. Her eyes stung with tears but she wouldn’t allow them to fall, knowing that if she did, they wouldn’t cease. She felt everything, and she felt nothing. And when the scene liquefied again, their mountain scenery melting, the last image burned into Alex’s mind was of her collapsed over Niyx’s dead body, covered in his silver blood, with Soraya howling her own lament into the sky.

Eight

The testing by the Gate of Strengthwas finally over.

Once Alex’s worst memory finished playing for all to see, she and her silent friends found themselves back in the golden stadium—the real one, this time—where they were met by thunderous applause and Saefii’s congratulations.

Alex barely heard anything that was said by the empress, all she knew was that they had passed the final phase of their first test. They’d passed because she hadn’t used the safe word; because she’d endured a nightmare just to prove her mental strength—strength she did not feel.

When Saefii finished speaking, Alex and her friends were flash-transported back to their rooms, and immediately the questions began.

Why were you with that Meyarin?

Don’t you know he killed King Astophe?

That was Aven’s most loyal follower, Alex! What were you doing with him?

Why were you so upset about his death?

… Why do youstilllook so upset?

Alex wasn’t able to answer any of their questions. Like a buzzing in her ears, she was barely able to comprehend what was being said.

“Alex?”

Her name. Just one word, but the way it was whispered, with such tenderness, such understanding, was enough for her to finally focus on the speaker.

Kaiden was watching her carefully—so very carefully. His eyes reflected her suffering, reminding her that he understood what she’d been through, what she wasstillgoing through.

Drawing a shuddering breath, Alex shook her head slightly, the smallest of movements, answering his non-verbal question of whether she was all right. She wasn’t. But he already knew that—out of everyone, he was the only one who comprehended the inner turmoil she was now reliving.

Ignoring everyone else who continued to demand answers, it took the very last of Alex’s strength to walk away and find refuge in the safety of her room, locking her door behind her. She just needed a moment to get her head together; a moment to contain her grief; a moment to summon the courage to continue onwards.

When Zaylin arrived with a bright flash, her surly presence was diverting enough to pull Alex from her painful memories, offering a strange kind of relief. Zaylin’s no-nonsense attitude was further appreciated when the helper proceeded to push Alex into the bathroom, all but throwing her into the tub while muttering under her breath about the “disgusting mess” that Alex was.