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A rush of heat filled her, and her cheeks burned with embarrassment. “How did you find out?”

“I could smell him on you,” he grumbled. “I should have killed him.”

“Brute.” She curled her lip in disgust. “Mom and Dads wouldn’t have let you. Besides, I told you, I didn’t get anything out of it.”

“But you wanted more, didn’t you?”

If he had a point, he needed to spit it out. “So, what if I did?”

“So, you deemed it okay to get your pleasure, but I was supposed to sit back and do what? Stay chaste?” He sat back when the waitress approached. Once they gave their order, he leaned in again. “Did you put me on so high a pedestal, when I fell, I shattered?”

When he put it like that... “No, I—well—I…” She frowned. “You’re right.” If they were going to move forward, she had to be honest with him too. “Everyone wanted me to stay innocent. Holly most especially. You wouldn’t go against anything Uncle Kalkin said. I felt, ignored. I was jealous, sure, but I also felt like maybe I wasn’t worthy enough to have anything special. Like, even though I survived all those years on the run with my aunt, I still wasn’t good enough. Or, perhaps worthy. I was alone. Was it smart to do what I did with Adam? Probably not, but I felt valued, even if it meant nothing.”

Their server came to the table and Nico ordered for both of them He knew her so well he could recite her favorite meal without hesitation. When the woman left, Nico looked at Hayden. Why did all of have to be so dang complicated? Why couldn’t she let it go? She had the answers, not that they were good ones because, in all reality, they were damning toward her than Nico, yet she couldn’t switch off her anger.

“If you’d listen to me, little wolf, you’d hear I’m trying to apologize for my transgressions. I’m trying to make this up to you because I see your pain every day and have to live with the fact I caused it. I did this to you. I did this to us. I’m sorry.” He cleared his throat and took her hand. “I have ached to hold you. To touch you. I miss you so damned much, it’s as if I am missing a part of my soul. Even after last night, I still don't know what to do to fix us. Tell me what to say, baby. Tell me how to act. Tell me what you want from me, and I'll gladly give it if it means I can be in your arms again. My life is nothing without you, and I can’t stand it anymore.”

Everything in front of her blurred into a blob as the first tears rolled down her cheeks. “You are my life,” she sobbed. “But my heart is broken. Even if you glued it back together, sure the pieces will fit, but the cracks will show.” She wiped the tears from her eyes. “I’m not a starry-eyed little girl anymore.”

“No, you’re not.” He cupped her cheek, and she nuzzled his palm. “You’re a beautiful woman who requires her mate to heal her. To care for her. You yearn for me to repair the damage caused to you. You need to be loved. Let me be the man who shows you what it means to be loved and cherished. We’ll work toward it together.” He gave her a lopsided grin and tapped the end of her nose. “You are the first person I think about when I wake up and the last person I think of before I go to sleep. You were always my priority, and I hate the fact you felt so isolated.”

“You don’t know the half of it,” she muttered.

“Then tell me, little wolf. We have all the time in the world,” he coaxed.

10

Hayden staredat Nico for a moment then nodded. “Did you know about the locks on the bedroom doors? Or why they were there?”

Nico stared at her then tilted his head. “Locks on the bedroom doors? I don’t understand.”

She gave a little laugh. She didn’t either. No, that was a lie, she did. She had a bad habit of walking in on people at inopportune times. “It started with Mac.” She took a shaky breath. “I was going to be late for school, it was my first day and Mac said he would take me. So, when he wasn’t in the kitchen...” She squirmed in her seat. She hadn’t seen her aunt either, but she’d taken a job at the local clinic, and she worked the night shift. When she heard rustling in Mackenzie’s bedroom, she’d gone to make sure they were okay. Not realizing she’d walk in on them having sex. “I kind of walked in on them doing the deed.” She winced. “Embarrassed, I ran back to my room and stayed out of sight until Mac came and got me.”

“Oh shit,” Nico murmured, scrubbing his face. “Sexuality and mates go hand in hand for shifters. Didn’t anyone explain to you that at some point, you might see a naked ass or three?”

She shook her head. “No. I think everyone thought I was too traumatized to say anything to me.”

"But locks?" He held up his hand. "Even Jace, Blake, and Loraine?"

"Especially them. I guess dad felt the most vulnerable out of all of them," she replied. "I can't blame him. One day he meets his long-lost daughter and the next he's fully mated with a man and a woman. It couldn't be easy to—"

“Stop, Hayden,” Nico snapped. “Stop making excuses for them or giving them allowances. What if something happened in the middle of the night?”

She rolled her shoulders. “I guess I went looking for someone.”

“What?” he growled. “What do you mean went looking for someone?”

She’d been so scared that night. The nightmare she’d woke up from had been so bad, she’d been covered in sweat and crying. Since she’d arrived in Window Rock, she’d thought they were gone, because she’d been so happy there and safe, yet that night was the worst. After she gathered herself, Hayden had gone to Bodhi’s room first, but he wasn’t there. Then she went to her dads room and found the door locked. She didn’t know what made her want to leave the house that night, other than she wanted some kind of comfort from someone—more specifically—since she couldn’t ask for help from anyone else, she wanted him, Nico. She took a deep shuddering breath before answering her mate. “I had a system. I went to Bodhi since he was with me more often than not. When he wasn’t in his room, I went to Dad, but their door was locked. So, in my frightened state, I left.”

“You left?” His breath left him in a whoosh as he sat back against his chair. “Hayden, do you know how dangerous that could have been?”

She nodded. “At the time, no. Later, yes. I did. Anyway, I guess I got a little turned around because I was still stuck between the nightmare and being awake and I came upon a group of kids.”

“Who were they?” Nico narrowed his eyes. “Did they hurt you?”

“No,” she said. “They didn’t know I was there.” In truth, she’d been enthralled with them. They were a bit older, maybe Nico’s age at the time. They had alcohol and music and soft lighting. The group was made up of five boys and three girls. All of them were laughing and carrying on. For a minute, Hayden had envied them. “Anyway, I watched them. They were so cool. So carefree. I think they were orphans.”

“Jesus, Hayden.” Nico scrubbed his face. “How long did you stay there?”