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“Fine.” Gurch turns to the stocking, moves his mask to open his mouth… and proceeds to vomit candy, toy cars, and what looks like a set of colored pencils… all into one very lucky boy’s stocking.

I swallow back the bile that rises in my throat. It takes a few tries before I can speak without wanting to throw up myself. Are those toys and candy dry, or covered in demon… Nope. I can’t think about it. Nope. Nope. Nope.

Lucifer is laughing quietly. “Santa Claus might have a bag like Mary Poppins but Satan Claus has a barfing demon.”

I look at him and know there is no way I’m keeping even a quarter of the disgust off my face. “I didn’t realize that’s how we were transporting the stocking stuffers. We just discussed what was appropriate.”

“Well, he got that part mostly right.” Lucifer hands the last present to Mandy before standing up and holding a hand out to me.

I take it and smile. One house down… who knows how many more to go?

“Don’t forget the milk and cookies!” Mandy lifts the glass and thrust it at Lucifer.

He takes the proffered beverage and sniffs delicately before sliding his mask to the side to take a minuscule sip.

“The cookies too!”

“I’m not really a cookie kind of person.” He frowns at the plate but picks up a very fancy chocolate chip cookie. If I had to guess, these are from one of the upscale bakeries in the neighborhood. A far cry from the burnt offering we left out.

“You liked the one at our house,” I remember.

“True. Yours were special.” He sniffs the cookie and sighs. “I also usually don’t have to eat as many. There’s a reason Santa wears pants with an adjustable waist.”

“I’d offer to help, but global pandemic, ya know?” I smile behind my mask and raise my shoulders, fully aware that he’ll be able to scent my amusement.

The sound of porcelain shattering causes us all to whip in the direction of the small table. Gurch holds the plate, now missing a large mouth shaped piece. His mask hangs from one side of his face as he continues to chew. When he notices us all looking he shrugs.

“I help.”

The sound of footsteps scrambling above us are quickly growing closer.

“Do something!” I hiss.

“What?” Lucifer swoops Gurch up to his shoulder.

“Laugh!” Mandy runs over and grabs my hand. “Hurry!”

“You can’t be serious.” He looks at my daughter, eyes wide.

“Do it!” I wrap an arm around his waist. “You need to build the magic anyway!”

“I am not using that man’s ridiculous trademark.” His tone is slightly pretentious. “Think of something else.”

Steps sound on the stairs and I hear the voice of a man warning a child to stay back.

“There’s no time! Be a good boy!” I press my body against his, undoubtedly--and okay, intentionally--inspiring more the naughty than the nice in the Ruler of Demons himself.

“Only if I’m allowed to be naughty later.” He whispers in my ear, reflecting my own thoughts back to me. This is exactly the reaction I was hoping for. Standing on my tiptoes I pull down my mask and press my lips to his in a quick kiss.

“I’m counting on it.” I smile and pull my mask back up.

He looks at me with an amused expression, obviously aware of what I am doing, and enjoying it anyway. But just as we swirl into smoke, he lets out a booming laugh.

“Ho, Ho, Ho!” His voice echoes and I smile.

Perfect. Even if it does sound slightly on the evil side.

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