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What did you expect?I ask myself as I walk outside. He asked you to stay and told you he wanted to pursue things, and you practically ran out of his room like your hair was on fire.
He told me exactly what an experienced man of the world would say,my cynical side points out,and I’m not falling for it. Because opening myself up to him, allowing my heart and body to be vulnerable, is too scary.
I’d like to believe him, though. So very badly.
“What’s the worst that could happen?”he’d asked.“A couple more orgasms?”
No,I wanted to say.I could fall in love with you.
Giving my entire self to a man again is a scary thought, especially since I’ve been alone for so long. I don’t even know how to be with someone for longer than a night. As much as I’d like to try, something is holding me back. Fear, yes, but something more.
He called me a little sparrow, but the truth is I’m more like a swift.
Forever ago, I had to write a report on a bird, and I chose the swift. Fascinating creatures, and something that’s stuck with me ever since. Unless they’re nesting, swifts spend their lives in the air, living on insects caught in flight. They drink, feed, and often mate and sleep on the wing. They can go ten months without landing, and no other bird spends as much time in flight.
Kind of like me,I realize. Never on the ground long enough to settle. Always running or flying away.
Isn’t it best to end things before they even begin, though?
“What happens in Spain, stays in Spain,” I remind myself through gritted teeth as I start the car. After programming the GPS to take me to the airport, I hit the gas. But I find myself looking in the rear view mirror, wondering if I just made the biggest mistake of my life.
Because if Knox was sincere, then I just walked away from what might be the best thing that’s ever happened to me.
It’s such a mindfuck. Shane truly messed me up, absolutely destroying my ability to trust in men. After he cheated, I promised myself I’d never allow myself to be so vulnerable again, even if it meant being alone forever.
And then here comes Mr. Charmer, so easygoing and carefree, spewing compliments and multiple orgasms at me like it’s no big deal. How can I not have trust issues?
I keep picturing the expression on his face right before I walked out of his room. He looked…crushed.
I wish there was a way I could peel back the layers of his heart and mind, see what he’s really feeling and thinking under all the polished veneer and panty-melting smiles. But that’s impossible.
There isn’t any traffic on the road because the sun is just coming up and everyone who’s anyone in paradise sleeps in. As a result, I make excellent time to the airport. The jet waits on the tarmac, ready to fly us all back to Denver, and then I’ll continue on to San Francisco. My adventure with a world-class thief who’s sexy as hell will be over.
And then what? Nothing—no one—is waiting for me.
“Dammit,” I hiss, turning off the engine. A few days ago, I was sitting at Braxton and Quinn’s wedding, feeling so lonely, onthe verge of accepting I’ll be single forever because I’m too damn scared to do anything about it.
This job was supposed to help me ignore the loneliness that had been steadily creeping in and taking over. Instead, it opened up an entirely new world, full of possibilities. And I just slammed the door closed on it all.
“You’re such an idiot.”
Dropping my head, I realize I sabotaged any chance I had at a potentially perfectly-wonderful future with Knox.
He’s probably over it, though. His options are endless, and I have no doubt he will move on and find a new woman to pursue. Me, though?
I give up.
My chest tightens and the foreign sting of tears threatens. Squeezing my eyes shut, I push them back. Now isn’t the time. I need to go through my pre-flight check and—
The driver’s side door opens, startling me, and I turn just in time to hear the crackle of a stun gun. Before I can react, the shock of electricity hits me and my muscles seize up.Sonofabitch, it hurts. The intense muscle contractions make me lose my balance. Slumping forward against the steering wheel, my body twitches, but there’s nothing I can do to stop it.
“Help me get her out,” a voice commands in Spanish. Unable to fight back, I struggle to keep my head up as two men drag me out of the driver’s seat and spirit me straight into a nearby SUV. They toss me into the back seat, and I am fucking livid. All of my military training and self-defense classes are urging me to fight, but I can’t even make a fist.
The shock of the stun leaves me disoriented and the painful contractions are like one big charley horse. All I can do is wait it out and hope they don’t stun me again before I regain control of my muscles and make them very sorry for their decisions.
In the meantime, a million questions race through my mind. Mostly who the fuck are these men, where the fuck are we going, and what the fuck is actually happening here?
I’m still a little fuzzy from the stun, but the more time that passes, the better and more clear I begin to feel. Even so, I stay down, not wanting to draw attention.