Page 54

It was fine by us, we didn’t like it either. That was one of the only times my father was happy that the Jacobs had that kind of pull, so they could demand it.
And now, here I am, heading up to Leedsville with three guys. Ever since we passed the Leaving Clary sign, my heart’s been in my throat.
I’ve never left Clary before. Only just outside the small town to go to the mountains. Clary and the Superstitions are my home. I’ve made up a thousand different stories about going different places, but they were never true. My father didn’t like to go out, but even when he did, I wasn’t allowed to go with him.
My heart beats rapidly. I rub my palms down my shorts, and my foot starts tapping the floor of the car. Excitement and nerves burn through me like I’m made of the driest brush.
Wyatt is in the backseat with me. He does a double-take just as he finishes talking about how he made Meghan’s whole table move in the lunchroom, even though we decided not to sit there anyway. We headed outside to sit by ourselves so we could talk about what supplies we were going to buy in Leedsville. The prospect of leaving Clary had thrilled me then. Now? I’m not so sure.
Wyatt knocks his knee into mine. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah,” I say, planting a fake smile on my face. There’s no way on this earth I’m telling them what’s going through my head right now. I’m walking a tightrope with these guys. They were picking on Meghan today, but it could so easily be me tomorrow. Right?
I don’t know. Maybe not.
I sit back in the seat and take a deep breath, closing my eyes. I want to open them. I want to take in the scenery. I want to be in the driver’s seat of my life for once. I always chalked up Dad never letting me go anywhere to being a bit overprotective, but it’s hard to fight those feelings. If he was overprotective, what was he trying to protect me from?
I guess I didn’t even need to leave Clary to have something bad happen, but still. I’m rattled.
Wyatt puts his hand on mine. “Dakota?” Fuck. My real name? He must be worried about me.
I’m so screwed. Why can’t I just fucking relax? Act like this isn’t a big deal. Going to Leedsville? Sure. Easy. Done it a hundred times.
“Pull the car over,” Wyatt instructs Stone.
“No,” I shout. “I’m fine.” My voice is high and tight, cracked with fissures so that anyone listening can clearly tell I’m not alright despite me saying otherwise.
Because they are listening, Stone pulls over.
I growl. “I’m fine.”
Wyatt gives me a look. He knows I’m full of shit.
Fuck. So do I. I just need to get over it though.
Lucas turns around from the front seat. He takes one look at me and frowns. “You’re white as a ghost.”
“I don’t know why,” I say. I rub my arms to try to warm them. “Maybe I’m still tired. Or it’s an effect from the drugs.”
Stone turns in the seat now, too, and I’d rather claw his eyes out than have him see me like this. I close my eyes, pretending that if I can’t see him, then he can’t see me.
“Maybe I’ll just get out and walk around for a bit,” I say, throwing the door open. It opens up onto the sandy side of the road. Cacti of all different sizes dot the landscape. Seeing them instantly puts me at ease. That’s normal. They’re familiar.
I shut the door and stretch my limbs. I walk out across the dirt, my feet kicking up dust clouds as I go. Behind me, cars pass the Audi making a vroom, vroom noise. A door opens and closes, and I already know it’s going to be Lucas who comes out to check on me. The peacemaker. The silent one who observes. Plus, I’m fairly certain Stone doesn’t give a fuck and that Wyatt is on the fence about me. Well, he likes to make comments about my body, but that’s about it. Who even knows if Wyatt is capable of having girls who are friends?
“Hey,” Lucas says in a sure voice.
I kick the dirt in front of me, sending up a plume of brown.
“Wyatt says you’re freaking out. Are you?”
“I’m fine,” I say, stretching my lips into something I hope resembles a smile.
Lucas moves in front of me, dipping his head to look me in the face. I wish he wasn’t so nice—and I really can’t believe I’m saying that—but he makes me want to tell him stuff. I’ve never had someone who I could talk to before. Well, besides Dad, and I really couldn’t have said anything to him. If I asked about going places, he just told me there was no reason I needed to go. He didn’t get that I was so sick of living in my head or through books. He didn’t get that I wanted something real.
That’s why I don’t understand why I’m freaking out right now. I want this. I’ve been wanting it for so long.
“A truth for a truth?” Lucas asks. He’s posing it as a question, but he doesn’t waste time waiting for my answer. “My parents died when I was young. I was in and out of homes until the Jacobs took me in. Five years ago, they adopted me. Sometimes, I have this weird thing that happens where I feel like I don’t belong anywhere. I recognize that in you too. I think that’s why I like you.”