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“And I don’t want to turn into my stepmother.”

“That’s ridiculous, how could you even think that?”

“The time we spent together was lovely, and I will cherish it always — you must know that I never meant to trick or lure or hurt you in any way.”

“I know you didn’t,” she hurried to explain, finding it difficult to keep in time to the dancing as her mind clearly whirred in desperation. “Just as I wasn’t trying to hurt or trick you.”

“Be that as it may, what happened to my brother and father affected me more than you could ever know. It taught me not to trust. It taught me not to open myself up, no matter the cost. And most importantly...” He sighed and bowed his head as the music began to slow. “It taught me how fragile the human heart is and that sometimes it’s better to keep it caged and locked up tight, rather than risk opening it to the world where it might suffer the same fate as those who I loved.”

“I don’t —” She gave her head a shake. “I don’t understand. What are you saying?”

“How we left things the other day, I needed you to know that it had nothing to do with you and everything to do with me. I’m the one who is broken here. I’m the one who is to blame. It has nothing to do with you whatsoever, and you must know that.”

The music had stopped and the couples, Evan and Miss Baker included, came to a slow stop. As soon as they did, Miss Baker released Evan by the hands and took a step back, the look on her face a mixture of confusion, disbelief, and contempt.

“So let me get this straight. The reason you are here tonight, it has nothing to do with...” Her lips curled. “With you, coming to your senses or changing your mind about what you said?”

Evan frowned, surprised by the reaction. “What? No, as I said, it’s —”

“I heard you,” she hissed, low enough, so nobody would hear. “All this is, is an effort to make yourself feel better. You felt guilty about what happened and... and... and wanted to set your own mind at ease. What’s the matter, have trouble sleeping these last few nights?”

“What?” Evan leaned back as if she had struck him. “No. That’s got nothing to do — I didn’t like knowing that I might have hurt you. I wanted to make sure that you understood.”

“Oh, I understand, all right. You’ve devised the perfect excuse for never falling in love. A sort of free pass for acting like a horrible, ungrateful —”

“Miss Baker!” Evan hissed and stepped into her. The music had stopped, the couples were leaving the dance floor, but they remained where they were. And because of that, people were starting to take note. “Please, I never meant to hurt you.”

She snorted. “Oh, don’t worry about that,Your Grace.I will make this very easy for you. I do not care about you. I never did care about you. And the second that I turn about and walk away, I suspect that I won’t think about you ever again.”

“Miss —”

Miss Baker was true to her word. Or at least it seemed. Her visage set to fury, she spun on her heel and stormed across the dance floor, leaving Evan in her wake. She didn’t look back over her shoulder. Nor did she check to make sure he was watching. It was as if he didn’t exist, a reality that Evan might have liked right about now.

He had wanted to do the right thing. Knowing that he had hurt Miss Baker, thinking that he might be able to explain himself and part ways amicably, he had come here tonight with the right intentions only to make things that much worse. If there was some good to be taken from it, it seemed that at least he didn’t have to worry about Miss Baker fawning after him anymore. At least now she might be free to carry on, in her own words, as if he didn’t exist.

If only Evan could do the same. Despite the story he told, despite his claims that he had chosen to live a life free of love and emotional openness where his heart might stay trapped in a cage to avoid being hurt, he knew now that this was perhaps the biggest lie he’d ever told. He’d opened the cage. He’d let his heart out. And as he had known would happen, pain had followed.

CHAPTERNINETEEN

Evan felt like a right fool. A moron of the highest order. So stupid that he suspected of all the men and women in England, he was the most braindead of them all. What else was there to think? With what he had done. His reason for doing it. How certain he had been that it was the right move when clearly it was the opposite of that. People this unintelligent shouldn’t be allowed to mix with others. They should be locked up and shipped off to an island somewhere, so there was no chance of them causing harm to those they loved.

He wandered through the ball aimlessly. Head down. Mind elsewhere. Ignorant of those who tried to get his attention or pull him into conversation. Already known to those of thetonas standoffish and rude, the way he behaved tonight didn’t harm his reputation any further. It just confirmed it for those who might have been willing to give him the benefit of the doubt.

Not that he cared. All Evan cared about, all he could think of, was Miss Baker and how he had hurt her. His heart might have been in the right place. His intentions might have been pure. But now, because of his misplaced actions alone, she was undoubtedly worse off than she had been before.

A part of him wondered if he should go to her. If he should explain further. But then he thought, explain what? Explain that he cared for her more than he’d ever cared for someone else. Explain that he didn’t understand these feelings that surged through him whenever she came to mind, and rather than confront them, he would come up with excuses to dismiss them. That if he was a different type of person, he might fight for her as he now suspected she wanted him to.

But he wasn’t a different type of person. As Evan skulked through the hall, catching the dismissive glances and judgmental mutterings of those around him, he knew that lying to himself wouldn’t change anything. He was who he was, and that person wasn’t one who could risk it all for the chance of love and happiness. He didn’t even know what love and happiness were.

And so, he walked. But he also needed fresh air which was why he found himself outside, wandering the gardens instead. Unlike many balls he had been to, the gardens tonight weren’t an extension of the festivities inside. They’d been cut off from the hall, bereft of light, as lonesome and dark as Evan’s broken heart.

It was for that reason that when Evan heard the hushed whispers of two people speaking from just around the corner, hidden behind a large hedge shaped like a Greek deity with a sword and shield, he understood their words as if they were standing right beside him. As if they wanted him to hear.

Evan came to a sudden stop, nearly turning around because the tenor of the whispers suggested the conversation to be a secret. Short, sharp sentences. Arguing, it sounded like. And while, indeed, Evan just about spun on his heel and started in the other direction... he recognized the voices and despite himself, he couldn’t walk away.

“I cannot believe he would do this to me!” It was Lord Lindstone, his fury so strong that Evan could almost see fire spewing above the hedge as if he was breathing it. “The audacity! The nerve of the man!”

“Maybe he fell ill?” Miss Baker suggested, her voice soft, disinterested.