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Mia’s eyes shine with unshed tears, but she doesn’t interrupt.
“But then he came,” I continue, voice cracking. “Saxon came out of the dark and saw me. Not the body they passed around. Not the name on the ledger. Me. He said my name like it meant something. LikeImeant something.”
The words pour out of me now, sharp, soaked in tears.
“He was the reason I started to fight again. The reason I ate. The reason I tried. The reason I stopped hoping I’d die in my sleep.”
My hands tremble in my lap, and Mia reaches out, steadying them with her own.
“You know,” she says softly, “there was a time I thought I was doing the right thing by staying away from Brando.”
That surprises me. I blink at her through the blur of tears.
“I thought I was protecting him. That he deserved someone better. Someone who didn’t carry the weight I did. I thought I was giving him freedom.” She lets out a small, rueful laugh. “Turns out, all I was doing was torturing both of us.”
“What happened?” I ask, hoarse.
“I realized,” she says, eyes fixed on mine, “that it didn’t matter how broken I was. He didn’t want perfect. He just wanted me. And when you find a love like that—a love that survives the dark, that digs you out of your own grave—you don’t walk away from it.”
I swallow hard, trying to hold it together.
“You think that’s what Saxon feels?”
Mia doesn’t hesitate. “I know it is. I see it in the way he looked at you. Like you’re gravity. Like he’s only breathing because you exist.”
I close my eyes. The weight of her words crushes me in the best way.
“I’m scared,” I admit. “He’s sacrificed so much to protect me. I’m scared I’ll ruin him. That I’ll drag him down with me.”
“You won’t,” she says firmly. “Because Saxon North is already halfway in the dark. The difference is—you are his light. You’re not dragging him down, Maxine. You’re the reason he keeps climbing back out of that darkness.”
I want to believe her. God, I want to believe her.
Mia squeezes my hand and offers me a reassuring smile.“Don’t spend that time trying to convince yourself he’s better off without you. Because he’s not. And you’re not better off without him, either.”
And in the back of my mind, I feel it. The hollow space where Saxon should be. The ache of it. The tearing, unfinished thing between us.
I don’t know how long it will take him. I don’t know what price he’ll pay to come back to me. I only know that I’ll be waiting. No matter how long it takes. No matter how much it hurts. Because I’m his. And he’s mine. Even if the world wants to rip us apart.
56
SAXON
My first stop is the guts of an abandoned parking garage that hasn’t had guests in years. Concrete dust clings to my boots. The lights overhead flicker, stuttering like they’re afraid of what’s to come.
I hear him before I see him. His polished shoes tap against the concrete before he steps out of the shadows like a devil in disguise.
Deputy Director Halbridge.
The man who once vouched for me. The man who once mentored me. He stops five feet away. He watches me with the kind of measured calm that says he’s weighed this moment ten times before stepping into it. I’m sure he now wishes he could erase me from the history books.
“You’re late,” I say, flicking ash from the cigarette I haven’t lit just to calm my shaking hands.
“Wasn’t sure I’d come,” he replies, tone even. “You’ve made a royal mess of things this time, North.”
“Disappointed?”
“Let’s say... conflicted.”