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But the voice—the goddamnvoice—is just getting started.

“I once tried to seduce a mirror because I thought my reflection winked at me first.”

“I THOUGHT IT WAS A PORTAL!” I shout, panic creeping in.

Caspian’s half on the floor now. I think he’s crying. Might be laughing. Or having a seizure. I honestly don’t know.

“I practice flirting in the mirror using lines from vampire romance novels.”

“Those booksslap,” I snap back before I can stop myself. “And theywork.”

“Oh, do they?” Luna asks, eyes practically gleaming with evil.

My voice answers for me: “Once I said ‘I want to drink you like a fine vintage of regret’ and got slapped.”

The room implodes into laughter again. I swear Riven smiles.Riven.

“Okay, okay, okay,” I say, hands up, desperate now. “That’s enough. You’ve had your fun, me. Now shut up.”

But there’s no mercy here.

“I thought foreplay was just forehead play for like a century.”

“I—” I start to say something, anything—anything at all that could salvage this, but I can’t. There’s no saving this. I can feel the sweat forming, the shame crawling across my skin like insects.

“I used to think orgasm was a type of mushroom.”

“You’re a god,” Elias cackles. “You’ve been around since the dawn of language.How do you not know this?”

“I don’task questions!” I shout, defensive. “I just pretend until someone corrects me and hope no one notices!”

Luna isgone. Her laughter is so full-bodied she slides off the armrest she was leaning against, catching herself on the wall like she’s drunk on my humiliation. And sheshouldbe. I’m dying. I’m literally combusting from within.

But it’s the next one that kills me. Truly. Spiritually.

“I think Luna’s laugh sounds like sex and I would like her to laugh in my mouth.”

Silence.

Complete. Fucking. Silence.

Luna turns slowly toward me, hands still over her mouth, her expression a dangerous blend of horror and delight.

“I—” I point again. Uselessly. “Inever— That’s—”

But my voice finishes me off.

“I named my left nipple Luna.”

I explode off the couch. “I’M LEAVING. I’M ASCENDING. I’M NO LONGER PART OF THIS REALITY.”

“Wait—” Caspian wheezes. “Left one? What’s the right one called?”

There’s a beat.

“…Elias,” the whisper says smugly.

Luna’s laugh is dangerous. Not just because it does something unholy to my chest when she really lets go, but because right now—it’s aimed at me. She’s doubled over on the couch, one hand gripping Caspian’s arm for balance, the other waving uselessly in the air like she’s trying to surrender to the chaos. Tears stream down her cheeks, and she wheezes, “Make it stop. Caspian,turn it off—please.”