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My lower belly tingles with desire and my nipples stand at attention. If he touches me between my legs, I will come faster than a shooting star.

“Damn! That was hot.” Harrison’s voice startles me and I turn around to find everyone staring at us.

“Now I know why you chose her,” Leonard tells Raphael, but his eyes never leave mine. A naughty grin is plastered across his face.

And just like that, with Leonard’s approval, I feel like I’ve been introduced and accepted into this new group of people. His people, not mine, and I’m not sure how I feel about it.

***

I stare out the window with a smile. Raphael is laughing at something Harrison said and everyone is relaxing around the table like an old group of friends. Today couldn’t have been more perfect. We chatted, laughed, and had fun. I haven’t smiled so much in a long time and a sense of happiness warms my chest.

For the first time in a long while, I glimpsed what my life could have been if I had chosen differently eight years ago, if I hadn’t done the right thing. Hope has been trying to bloom in my chest all day, and even if I did try to snuff it, it hasn’t gone away. If I look carefully, it’s still there, feeding false hopes I can’t afford to trust and let grow.

“He’ll never love you.” Matthew voice startles me.

“What?” His words hurt more than I expected.

He is staring out the window at the same view I am. “I’ve never seen him fall in love with anyone else. He never got over her.”

I have no idea who he’s talking about, but I imagine it’s someone they both knew. “I wasn’t thinking about that,” I lie. Hope is still there, the kind that imagines a different future for me. I could learn how to love someone like Raphael.

Matthew smiles sadly and a lump forms in my throat, making it hard to breath. “I see how you look at him. Don’t go there. I’m telling you because I don’t want to see you get hurt.”

I force a smile. “Don’t worry. I’m not planning on sticking around for long. I know this isn’t my life. After he gets what he wants, I’ll disappear.”

He studies me for a long moment with an unreadable face, then he nods and walks out to sit around the table. The same table I will not be part of in the future.

As if sensing me stare at him, Raphael turns around smiling and something in his eyes seems to burn with an intensity that makes my legs weak. I put my hands on the counter to keep from crumpling to the ground. He winks at me and motions for me to come out. I nod, swallowing once, twice, three times to push down the lump constricting my throat.

I put on a smile on my face as I reach him and his friends. They are loud and happy, and I suddenly don’t fit in anymore at this table.

Raphael grabs my hand and makes me sit on his lap, dragging me closer to his chest.

“What happened?” he whispers in my ear. Concern clouds his eyes.

“Nothing, just a bit tired,” I lie.

He doesn’t seem convinced, but Harrison demands his attention. “Can I just say that you are a shitty friend? You got engaged and didn’t invite us to the party.” He’s teasing. Everybody here knows the situation between the two of us.

“Who says I didn’t?” Raphael challenges him and everybody goes quiet. I turn around to watch him and he winks at me. “What?”

I don’t understand, but when he pulls out a blue velvet box from his pocket, my mouth goes dry. Dakota gasps and Lola squeals. I, on the other hand, am frozen in place.

“I’m not a shitty friend, but I’m a shitty fiancé. I announced to the world we were engaged, and I didn’t get you a ring first.” He opens the box and shows me a simple rectangular diamond on a ring that I suspect is platinum.

I don’t know what to say. I look at the diamond shining under the California sun, then at Raphael’s smiling face, then at the ring again.

“So, what do you think?” he asks.

“Yes?” What am I supposed to say? It’s still fake, I didn’t need the diamond.

Raphael laughs, putting the ring on my finger.

Harrison sighs loudly. “Thank God. For a moment I thought she’d say no.”

Everybody laughs and cheers but when my eyes lands on Matthew, I see he’s frowning. He didn’t know about this. The fact that Raphael kept this from his campaign manager and best friend makes my head spins. This is fake, this has nothing to do with my future, but the ring feels heavy on my finger.

“Okay, we have a ring, but what about the date?” Leonard asks.