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“You heard the man. Love on your burger, York,” Ari called out as they got to the edge of the set.

“Who let you guys in?” I growled, feeling like a man walking to his execution.

The director perked up, somehow mistaking what I’d just said for genuine enthusiasm. “Ah, your friends! Wonderful! They can help set the mood.”

“Definitely no need for stuffing,” I heard someone say, and I glanced over to see the assistant and some of the other crew staring at me.

It was official. I had to be dreaming. Because there was no way this was happening right now.

I pinched myself just in case.

Nope. Completely real.

Camden froze mid-laugh, his eyes lighting up with mischief. “Oh, absolutely. Mood is key.”

Ari nodded solemnly. “Logan here is all about passion. You should see him with a stick. It’s art.”

The director gasped, placing a dramatic hand on his chest. “A true artist! Logan, darling, you must channel that energy. Make love to the burger. Become one with it.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” I muttered under my breath, glancing at Ari and Camden, who were barely holding it together.

“Logan,” Camden said, leaning against the table like he was part of the crew. “The burger deserves your best. Think…Romeo and Juliet, but, you know, with meat and cheese.”

“Thanks for that, Shakespeare,” I deadpanned, stepping into position in just my briefs. The lights were blinding, the grease smell overwhelming, and my dignity? Long gone.

“Hold it gently,” the director instructed, miming a cradle. “Like it’s the love of your life.”

Ari whistled and whispered mockingly. “That’s it, York. Look at the burger like it just scored the game-winning goal in double OT.”

The director practically swooned. “Yes! That intensity! Logan, darling, you’re avision.”

I bit back a groan and picked up the burger, its weight ridiculous in my hands. I leaned in, trying to “connect” with the damn thing, while Ari and Camden’s whispers made it impossible to concentrate.

“Do you think he’s gonna kiss it?” Camden muttered, barely audible over the hum of the lights.

“The sauce is at least going to get some tongue action,” Ari replied.

“Logan, darling,” the director interrupted, oblivious to their antics. “Take a bite. Slowly. Passionately. Let us feel your desire.”

Camden let out a snort so loud the sound guy turned to glare at him. “You heard the man, York. Seduce that burger.”

I shot them both a murderous look before leaning in and taking the most humiliating bite of my life. The sauce dripped onto my chest, and the director gasped like I’d just discovered fire.

“More! Give us more!” he cried, waving his hands. “This isart! You’re in love with the burger, Logan. Show us!”

“I can’t do this,” I mumbled around a mouthful of grease.

“You can,” Ari encouraged, his face serious even as his eyes gleamed with laughter. “Think of the burger as your soulmate. Your one true love.”

Camden chimed in, “Yeah, York. Whisper sweet nothings to it. Tell it how much it means to you.”

The director’s eyes widened. “Yes! Talk to it, Logan. Communicate your longing.”

I set the burger down, and immediately there were two people there, wiping the sauce off my face. “I’m going to kill both of you,” I snarled.

“You’ll thank us when this wins an award,” Ari said solemnly, snapping a picture with his phone. “For, uh, culinary excellence.”

“Aka food porn,” Camden added.