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“Listen,” I began, shaking my head. “I—I can’t talk about this right now?—”
“She knew about Emily, too.”
“Grant, I don’t know who Emily is.”
He gave an exasperated sigh. “My girlfriend.”
“Well, it makes sense for Caroline to know your girlfriend, right?” I tried to sound gentle. “You’ve been dating since?—”
“No, Lovey. Caroline knew about Emily back in September. She’s the one who set you up to catch me.”
That’d been the last thing I expected him to say. “Caroline said she didn’t know about you cheating.”
Now he frowned. “She knew. Emily’s the daughter of one of my dad’s closest friends; he’s the one who set us up. Caroline knew about it.Encouraged it.” He took a step closer to me, and this time, he did reach out for my hand. His fingers were warm as they picked up mine. “She’s the one who told you to come visit me, wasn’t she? A weekend when she knew I was showing Emily around campus.”
I stared at him and his urgency, not quite feeling anything other than my stomach sinking like a stone. Carolinehadbeen the one to tell me to go visit Grant, and specifically pushed for that weekend.If I’d known, as your best friend, I wouldn’t have suggested you go surprise him at college,she’d said.
Why would she have done that, though? What would she have gained from it?
But the revelation Grant shared wasn’t having the effect he was surely hoping for. “Even if she knew,” I said, pushing it all to the side, looking at how his hand captured mine, “it doesn’t change the fact that youwerecheating. If anything, if shedidknow, I should thank her for sending me, shouldn’t I?”
Grant’s eyes widened, as if he hadn’t expected me to take that route. Like he’d assumed I’d get angry at Caroline and forget all about the fact that the girl he’d cheated on me with currently sat in the other room. He reallyneverthought anything through. “Emily—it was just a mistake, Lovey. The only reason she’s here now is because my parents invited her, I?—”
“You’ve been with her since we broke up, haven’t you? The last six months?”
He suddenly couldn’t look at me. “Well, I mean, yes, but?—”
“Grant.” There was a note of finality that hung in the air now. I never imagined myself saying it aloud, but I knew I needed to, if only to cut the cord. If this was what Grant needed for a clean break, to move on, I could do it. I could tell him the truth. Despite it all, I curved my fingers around his. “Do you want to know why I started dating you?”
He blinked at the topic change. “You said… you thought I was handsome.”
“I did.” Grant, a year younger, had been the epitome ofcute boy. And he’d made me laugh, too, whenever our paths crossed. And for a girl who hadn’t smiled since her mother died, I’d needed those moments. They’d been my lifeline. “But that wasn’t why I agreed to go out with you.”
I’d been working at Alderton-Du Ponte for a year before I finally let Grant convince me to go out on a date. I hadn’t been even remotely near emotionally stable enough to start a relationship. It’d been enough for me to just get a peek of him at work when he came to the country club with his mother. I hadn’t needed anything more than that. I hadn’twantedanything more than that.
Until a year passed, and I realized just how lonely I was, and how long it took to actually build a savings account.
“I thought you’d buy me my mom’s dream house.” The confession was ugly in the air, but I forced my voice level. “I thought it could be perfect, marrying the rich boy who could buy me the house.”
It hadn’t been the only reason, though. Back then, after a year of being truly on my own, with my mother gone and my high school friends off to college, I couldn’t stand being alone anymore. I couldn’t take it. Even if I didn’t have romantic feelings for Grant, I’d neededsomeone.
But I didn’t tell him that. “I figured if someone found out,” I went on, looking at his hand, “and I got fired for dating a member’s son, it wouldn’t matter, because maybe then you’d even buy it for me out of guilt.”
Grant’s determined expression crumbled into shock.
“Of course, I fell for you over time. We dated for four years, after all. But when we broke up, it took me a while to realizethatwas what I’d been sadder about. Not that you cheated on me.” I swallowed hard, already resenting myself for having to speak the truth aloud. “But because I wouldn’t have you to buy the house anymore.”
I was painfully aware of how terrible that made me. Maybe finding him cheating was just my karma, exactly what I’d deserved. Even back then, I’d known it was wrong, but it’d been easy to justify. If I could make Grant happy, what did it matter if I didn’t have feelings for him? If it meant I’d be able to get my mother’s dream house, what did my happiness matter? I’d already given up the cello. I’d thought I could give up love, too.
“We were apart for most of our relationship, Grant.” And now, I placed his hand back at his side, letting it go for the final time. “You came home from college three months out of the year. We barely even texted each other at the end. You didn’t… You didn’t even reach out on my mother’s anniversary.”
Grant’s jaw tightened, the realization flashing in his eyes. He couldn’t object to any of that, of course. He couldn’t protest. He’d been the one to pull away first. It was his text messages that’d grown less and less frequent. And it’d been him, in the end, who’d made the decision that doomed us. “You didn’t miss me at all?”
The sad note in his voice almost made me hesitate, but I knew it would be a lie. “Not the way I should’ve.”
Grant stared at me, searching my face for any sign that I’d change my mind. When he found none, his shoulders sagged. I’d been expecting him to get angry, to yell, not to accept the defeat looking like he was about to cry. Then again, the two of us both made mistakes. The reality was a harsh one—Grant had been my safety net, not my love story.
He was the Fiona to my Aaron.