Page 48

“Of course it’s on my radar. I’ve been focused on it since we lost in the last inning last year, or since we started playing together years ago. But this is something I’ve wanted to try out for a while. It’s a whole other sort of adrenaline.”

Several of the guys nodded, looking disappointed as they made their way back into the dance.

“You couldn’t tell me?” Nate asked, looking like I’d just smashed into his Hummer.

I raised an eyebrow. “You couldn’t tell me about your childhood genius status. I knew what you’d say, that I was crazy for even thinking about doing the play.”

Even more down, Nate shook his head. “No, man. I know what it’s like to have a secret and not have others to lean on. I would’ve understood. Especially after all I’ve gone through, I thought you could trust me.”

“Nate, come on. I’m sorry, man. I just know how much this state championship means to everyone.”

He gave me a small smile. “Not more than friendship, man.”

I watched as he disappeared into the gym, doing everything I could to keep from breaking down. My world was crumbling because I’d been too worried to tell the people closest to me about my plans.

I had a few more people to talk to about this, but I was done going through it all in secret.

31

Colt

Inside I was dying. I’d tried to survive the rest of the dance with Marcy, doing my best to play along and still make it fun for her.

After all this time, I’d messed things up, even with my careful juggling of all the things I had going on. I shouldn’t have said yes to Marcy, but jealousy had blanketed the true consequences for me.

Marcy dropped me off, and I walked into the house, pulling off the palm leaf necklace.

“How was it?” my mom asked from the couch. She was sitting next to my dad, who’d dozed off watching some late-night game show.

“Awful.” It was like every part of my body hurt with all the things I was still trying to process.

She sat up and turned to me. “What do you mean, ‘awful’? What happened?”

I swallowed hard, feeling the emotions rise in me. I had to be strong, had to show that I was a man, even though I wanted to finish out the play. But a week was going to be difficult if I couldn’t talk to my best friend. Coach Maddox was next on my list of people to talk to.

The shift of my mother had caused my dad to wake up, and he kept blinking, trying to focus on what was going on.

“Mom, Dad, on the second day of baseball tryouts, I auditioned to be part of the spring play.”

“Really?” both of my parents said, each with different reactions.

“Why?” my dad said, his voice thick from sleep. “Did Hazel push you to do it?”

I shook my head, trying to smile. “I wanted to do it. It was something I wanted to try, and I’ve been working to balance school, baseball, and the play for the past seven weeks.”

“That’s impressive, Colt. What’s your part in the play?” My mother, ever the encourager.

I explained my part and glanced over at my father, seeing his face with a mixture of emotions.

“Have you devoted enough time to baseball? It was your first priority, right?” My father’s questions cut me deep, and I thought about all the times I’d struggled to hit in the past few weeks.

I bowed my head, trying to stay strong.“I’ve done my best at both.”

My dad shook his head. “We’re Buttars men. We don’t have time for things like that.”

My mother slapped him on the chest with the back of her hand. “Tom, that’s not true. Guys can be in plays and play sports. There’s no rule book that says you have to stick with one.”

“Colt’s in the spring play?” Nash said from the stairs.