Page 128
Story: The Outsider
“Yeah. I was.”
Her heart went to a standstill. “Go on.”
“I was trying to do that because I was totally freaked out. And you were right. It’s not because I’m really afraid I’m going to do something awful. I’ve lived too much and learned too much. I do know what’s right and wrong. That’s an excuse that I’ve been telling myself for a long time because keeping myself on aleash means keeping myself from feeling too much. Keeping myself from being hurt. I’ve made so many little choices in my life that amount to trying to keep myself at a distance with things and people that I care about, that I didn’t even realize I was doing it anymore. It all got buried underneath this story that I told myself about needing to be in control. Because of the things in my past. And it’s legitimate. I did some bad things. But I’ve done a lot of good things. And somehow, I never let them be enough. It isn’t about protecting other people. It’s about protecting myself. You are absolutely right about that.”
“Oh,” she breathed.
She felt afraid to hope. But she didn’t want to be. Because hope was one of the greatest gifts of her time here. Other than Daughtry.
So she opened up her heart, and she let it flow through her.
“I hope that you’re here to say what I want you to, Sheriff.”
“I want stardust, Bix. All that magic. That’s us. The whole sky full of stars. I want you. I want to love you. And I want you to love me.”
She set down her rock, and ran toward him. She wrapped her arms around his neck, and held him tight. “You want to love me, or do you love me?”
“I love you,” he said, fierce and glorious. “And I want to love you for the rest of forever.”
“I want that too,” she whispered.
“If that means you need to go away first for a while,that’s okay. If you need to go to school, if you need to have other experiences, I’ll be here when you get back.”
She shook her head. “No. I’ve already decided that any opportunity I want is going to fit around our life together. Because love really is the most amazing thing. Love is the thing I didn’t have even a little bit of before. And now I have so much of it I’m full to the brim. Now I understand. I understand the romance novels. And the songs. And the self-help books, oddly. Somehow it kind of helped with those two.”
He laughed. “Good. Me too. I was... I was living half a life. And I thought it was all I was going to be able to have. And I’m terrified. I’m terrified of messing things up with you. I’m terrified of not being good enough. I’m terrified that you’ll leave me. But I’m even more terrified of what it looks like if we don’t try.”
“One thing you should know about me, Sheriff,” she said, “is that I am good at a few things. I’m good at surviving, and I’m good at making moonshine. I am damned good at loving my man. Forever and ever.”
“Well, I am not good at making moonshine. But I can promise you that I’ll love you. With all of me. You know that I’m stubborn. So once I decide to do something, I never stop.”
“Now, that I believe,” she said.
“I want to marry you,” he said. “I want you to have my name, have my babies. I didn’t want that before. I couldn’t imagine it. But now that it’s you I can. NowI’m not imagining the house I grew up in. Now I’m imagining you and me.”
“I want that too. I really do. Because, you know... I was thinking, why have my dad’s last name when he doesn’t mean anything to me? When I don’t feel part of that family. I decided the name itself could mean something. But I would much rather take your name. That’s more than a brick. That’s a whole ranch. A whole family.”
“Yes, it is.”
She looked across the river at that little house where he found her. Everything was different now.
She had thought she needed a new starter for her van. But that wasn’t it.
What she had needed had been here all along.
What she had needed was love.
* * * * *
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