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And I was so not ready.

Dr. Bloom placed her hand on my knee and gave it a little squeeze. “Lexie, are you okay?”

I blinked and swallowed the lump in my throat. “I think so.”

“Did you hear a word I said?”

“Um…not really. I’m sorry.”

“That’s okay, I know it’s unexpected, and it’s a lot to take in. Why don’t we do an ultrasound so we can see how far along you are, and then we can discuss your options?”

Options?

“I know this is scary, so if at any time you have any questions, feel free to stop me and ask. I’ll try to answer to the best of my ability, and if you do decide to continue this pregnancy, I can recommend a few doctors.”

Was this how she talked to all patients who were pregnant? I understood her not wanting to assume how any woman would want to proceed and for those who wanted to choose an abortion to not feel intimidated, but I didn’t like hearing it.

It was now or never. “Can I say something now?”

“Of course, please.”

“No matter how far along in this pregnancy I am, I plan to keep the baby. I know I’m in shock right now, but for me, there’s no other option.”

Dr. Bloom nodded, handing me a tissue. I hadn’t even realized I was crying up until that point. “Would you like a few moments to collect yourself before we continue on?”

“No,” I cleared the tears from my throat, “I promise I’m fine.”

I sat in a daze as Dr. Bloom went over everything from the vitamins I needed to start taking to not being able to drink any caffeine while pregnant. That was going to be the hardest challenge of all. She gave me a sheet of OBGYN’s she recommended and even a few pediatricians. I wasn’t ready to find a doctor for my baby when I could barely grasp I had a life growing inside of me.

The rest of the day went by in a blur as I stopped by the pharmacy, picked up dinner, and somehow made it home. As I threw away my takeout containers, I didn’t even remember eating; all I knew was that I had to call Ryder. He needed to know what I was planning.

Laying down on my bed, I pulled up Ryder’s number and let my finger hover over his name. Never once did I think I would be nervous to talk to Ryder, but now I wanted to throw up at the thought, and I didn’t think it was the morning sickness either. It had been a little over a month since I’d last spoken with him. I still couldn’t get that picture of Lana and him together out of my head, and I hated that my memories of him were tainted now.

Placing my phone on my nightstand, I buried my head in my pillow and let out a stifled sob. I wasn’t sure how I was going to be a single parent and work the hours I worked, but I was going to have to figure it out.

I wished my mom was alive for me to talk to. If she hadn’t died giving birth to me, my life would have been so much different. All my life, I knew my dad blamed me for the death of my mother. When I turned fifteen, I looked exactly like her causing my father to start drinking excessively. I tried everything I could to not resemble my mother. My hair was almost platinum blonde, so it didn’t take much to start coloring it in fun colors. Back then, hardly anyone had their hair purple, green, or neon colors. My makeup and clothing were sexy goth, making me stand out from the crowd. From there, I lied about my age and started getting tattoos and piercings to further change my appearance. At school, I was the outcast because of my looks, but I didn’t care. It took my dad’s attention off me, and that was all that mattered.

When my dad’s drinking drove him to trash the house and bang on my door for half the night, yelling for me to let him in, I knew I had to leave. At sixteen, without any place to go, I packed up what little I had and moved out of the only home I’d ever known. Sixteen years later and I hadn’t heard a word from my father. As far as I know, he never even looked for me after I left.

All my life, I’ve been a loner, and now it was coming back to haunt me. Attempting to change that, I rolled over and grabbed my phone. Without thinking too much about it, I dialed Ryder’s number only to hear it had been disconnected.

What were the odds he’d also changed his number?

Tears spilled down my cheeks. I wanted nothing more than to talk to Ryder. I didn’t care if he was with Lana; I only wanted to hear his voice and for him to tell me everything was going to be okay.

Slamming my phone on the bed, I curled into a ball and let the tears fall. Tomorrow I would come up with a plan, but tonight I would cry until I couldn’t cry anymore.

20

Lexie

1 Month Later

Raine’s mouthopened and closed a few times before she staggered back and fell onto a chair. “You’re what?”

“I’m pregnant with Ryder Williams’ baby, I’m about eleven or twelve weeks along going by what my regular doctor thought I was when I found out. I have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow with an obstetrician.” I wasn’t excited for someone new to poke and prod me, but from what I’d read, I was going to have to get over it. There were going to be a lot of people up in my business until I had this baby.

“How did this happen?”