Page 67 of The Love Dose

“I’m so glad you like it.”

Chacha must sense something in the air and rather than return to his perch by the television he climbs into my lap, Caroline looking on curiously.

“How are things going?” she asks.

“I’m in over my head,” I say, leaning my chin on Chacha’s head.

She sucks in her lips, pauses a beat. “I’m so sorry, Calvin.”

Chacha looks up at her. “What did you do wrong?”

I set my son down on the floor and tell him to please finish his breakfast and let the adults speak alone. Miraculously, he follows my instructions.

I note a growing anxiety on Caroline’s face.

I say, “I appreciate you coming all the way here to say that. It means a lot.”

She must sense something in my tone. “But not enough.”

“I forgive you.”

She scooches closer. I pick up the scent of her perfume and I nearly lose my resolve. The desire to bring her into my arms is overpowering. I desperately want to tell her that I love her with all my heart. That we’ll figure something out. But I haven’t succeeded in that endeavor since I saw her last in Sugarbush Falls.

Chacha is here, in my life and I’m his father. Caroline cannot accept that. The writing is on the wall. We need to part ways.

I’m hoping she’ll say something—anything—that will allow me to combine my two worlds into one.

Instead, she says, “I thought we were friends.”

Disappointment floods me. We’re no further along than the last time we saw each other in Sugarbush Falls. “Wewerefriends.”

I see the hurt creep across her features. “Caroline, something powerful happened between us and I can’t go back. I don’t know how to be only friends anymore. You mean more to me than that.”

Her silence is deafening. My heart aches as she looks away.

“It’s all or nothing, then,” she says.

I decide to put it all out there. “I would never expect you to take on parenting at this stage in our lives especially when that was never on your radar.”

She chews her lip and I’m fairly certain she’s holding back tears. I swallow hard, scared if I take her hand to comfort her, we’ll be right back where we started. In a solution-less situation.

Caroline nods, looking down at her feet. “We’re at an impasse with no way to bridge it,” she says softly, as if explaining it to herself.

“I’m sorry,” I say, depleted. “I wish things could be different.”

Caroline steps into the kitchen and sets a small bag on the table beside Chacha. “Merry Christmas.”

I escort her to the door and watch her walk out. Of my life.

Chapter Forty-Seven

Caroline

Paul?” I sob into the phone, taking the steps as quickly as I can without tumbling.

He answers on the first ring like he was waiting for it. “I’m here.”

He hasalwaysbeen here. Like Evie, like the Fab Fifty gals. I know I’m blessed but right now I can’t feel it. All my emotions are knotted up in Calvin.