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“There was some concern that you were growing a bit too reckless. Taking too many chances. Always pushing ahead even when it made more sense to pause and regroup.”
That sounded familiar to Rapp. He remembered the rage, he remembered killing certain people and feeling satisfaction that the person would never take another breath. It was actually gratifying. Rapp had spent some time trying to remember all of the people he’d killed. It was like a photo album of assholes. The Who’s Who of terrorists, assassins, arms dealers, corrupt financiers, and intelligence operatives. The trip down memory lane was devoid of guilt.
“Back to the good memories,” Lewis said in an effort to steer the conversation back to a point of interest. “How did they make you feel?”
“Good.” Rapp shrugged. “That’s why they call them good memories.”
Lewis laughed and scratched another note.
Rapp frowned as a distant memory came back to him. “Didn’t I tell you once that I don’t like you taking notes?”
Looking as if he’d been caught, Lewis set his pen down and said, “Yes, you did.”
“And we came to some kind of an agreement.”
Lewis nodded.
“If I would be more open, then you’d stop taking notes.”
Lewis coughed slightly and then said, “That’s correct.”
“So what gives?”
“It’s a habit,” Lewis said sheepishly.
“Were you trying to test my memory?”
“A little bit.”
After pointing at the note pad, Rapp pointed at the fire. Lewis tore out the top three pages and tossed them into the fire. “Now,” Lewis said, “back to the good memories for the third time. Tell me about them.”
“I was happy.” Rapp got a far-off gaze in his eyes. “I remembered how close we were. How it was hard to be apart, and when we were together, we couldn’t keep our hands off each other.”
“And you remember making love?”
“Jeez, Doc,” Rapp said, fidgeting in his chair. “Come on. Can’t I keep some of this shit to myself?”
Lewis smiled. “Yes, you may. I don’t need to know everything. It’s just good to know that you’re no longer repressing those memories.”
“I did that?”
“Yes. I tried to get you to talk about her on several occasions, but you became so enraged that I had to drop it.”
“Did I threaten you?”
The question caught Lewis so off guard, he began to laugh nervously.
“What?”
“Your mere presence is a threat to many people.”
“And to you?”
“No.” Lewis shook his head. “I’ve known you a long time and you’ve never threatened me, but you need to understand that you are very good at what you do and you have some anger issues. After your wife was murdered, there was a bit of fear that you had become more volatile.”
Rapp didn’t like that sound of that. “Like I couldn’t control myself?”
“Yes.”