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“Well, you met someone pretty damn quickly, didn’t you? I thought you didn’t want a relationship? I thought your precious career was more important than me and our future.”
“Okay, I think everyone needs to calm down,” Clark says, taking my elbow. “They’re just flowers.”
Just flowers.
I feel my throat closing as I look at Dad, feeling the disapproval and disappointment. “I wasn’t having an affair.” I need to make that clear. “I met someone unexpectedly and he’s sent me flowers.”
“And you’re sleeping with him,” Nick adds. “Is it serious?”
I can’t answer that, and not because I don’t know how serious it is. I’m honestly so uncertain about everything. I know how I feel about Jude, but I’m terrified about admitting it out loud, to Jude especially. And besides, it’s early, it’s intense, and it’s really fucking fiery.
“I have to go.” I walk out with my flowers and snatch up my bag and files.
“Amelia,” Nick calls as I pull the door open. “Wait.”
I march on, being sure to hold back my tears of frustration. Nick grabs my arm and pulls me to a stop when I reach the road. “No, Nick.”
“I love you, Amelia,” he says, pleading. “Please, let’s try again. I’ll forget the kids, no marriage, whatever you want.”
I shake my head. “It’s too late.”
“But I love you,” he croaks. “And I know you love me too.”
I don’t think I ever loved Nick. I admired him, respected him, but I don’t think I truly loved him, or even saw a future with him, and I don’t feel good admitting that. But feeling what I’ve been feeling since I met Jude? It’s made me realise what love feels like. And the fact there’s so many question marks over what’s happening with me and Jude, and yet I still feel like this? It’s unstoppable, untameable love. Being vulnerable. Putting your heart at risk and hoping the person you’re handing it to will be careful with it.
“I don’t love you.” My reluctance to say the words is clear. I don’t want to hurt him. “Please, Nick, you’ve got to let go.” I turn and walk away.
“Never,” he yells. “I’ll never stop trying! I’ll make you realise!”
All he’s made me realise is how deep I’m in with Jude, because my feelings toward him feel like they’re on a whole different level.
Love.
I stop when I hear Nick get in his car, and he drives off fast, taking the corner out of the close practically on two wheels. He’s angry.
“Fuck,” I hiss to myself. That wasnothow I wanted him to find out about Jude.
“Amelia, darling!”
Grandma hobbles down the driveway. “Grandma, what are you doing?” I hurry back, taking her arm to help her.
She swats me away. “I knew I smelt a man on you,” she whispers, pulling her knitted cardigan in before reaching for my cheeks, cuppingthem with both hands. “Does he make your tummy flutter?” she asks, surprising me. I take a breath and nod, and Grandma smiles mildly. Knowingly. “Does your heart beat harder?”
“Yes.” So bloody hard. Always.
“Do your insides tingle when you think about him?” She smiles, impish. “Fanny flutters?”
“Grandma!”
She rolls her old eyes. “Well?”
“Yes,” I whisper, mortified.
“Then you have him, Grand Girl. And don’t let anyone try to tell you that you can’t.” She squishes my face and kisses me, before turning on her slippers and going back to the house.
I could cry.
Looking to the sky, I wish with everything I have that I’d just let Jude pick me up from work. Followed his lead.