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But I didn’t turn around because this was hard enough without looking into Cam’s soulful eyes. “If I go with you, I know how it will end. Being with me will wear you down. It’ll make you miserable until you’re a shell of your former self. You’ll hate me for it and then…” I exhaled a resigned sigh. “And then you’ll come to your senses and leave. Let’s skip all the nasty shit and save us both the trouble.”

“That’s a load of crap and you know it. Admit it. You’re afraid of letting anyone get close. Well, guess what? So are most of us.” From close behind, Cam scoffed. “You’re a lot of things, Elias Shepherd, but I didn’t think chickenshit was one of them.”

I slammed the trunk closed and spun fast to face her. “Yeah, I’m scared. I’m terrified of ruining your goddamn life.”

With eyes glaring and arms folded, she didn’t back down. “You’re not your dad.”

“No, I’m worse. You think you know me because we’ve spent a few days together? Look around you.” I swept my arms out wide, gesturing to the tools of my trade and the veritable armory surrounding us. “This is me. I’m not gonna change.” I held her stare. “Do you have any idea how many people are dead because of me? I’m a killer. Always will be. You’re a smart woman. You should know better than to get tangled up with someone like me. I’m as fucked up as those sons of bitches back at the club.”

“How can you say that?” Her brow pinched. “What you did for me proves you’re nothing like them.” She leaned in. “Maybe you don’t realize it, but there’s good in you, Shep. So much of it. Why can’t you see that?”

I ran a hand through my hair. “Quit trying to save me. I don’t need it.”

Her eyes narrowed. “You’re so full of shit right now. You know that’s not what this is about. Stop pushing me away. Come with me, please.” She moved closer. I couldn’t let that happen.

This last week, all my plans had unraveled. I never wanted to be drawn to Cam like an oasis in a scorching desert, never wanted to fall hard and put her in danger because of my screw-ups, and I sure as shit never wanted to lie to her, even though I was trying to do the right thing.

“Don’t you get it?” I snapped and her responding flinch was like a swift jab to my throat. But I couldn’t pussy out now. “I was happy on my own before you came along and threw my life into chaos. You’ve complicated the fuck out of everything. Hooking up was a bad idea. It should never have happened.”

She shook her head, eyes glistening. “You don’t mean that.”

“I promised you two weeks of safety and a one-way ticket out of the country, nothing more. There’s no room in my life for a girlfriend, or a tag-along, or whatever the fuck you’d be. I fly solo, end of story. I did what I had to, to save your ass, and now it’s over. There is nous.” My heart cracked, ready to shatter into a million pieces as I let her go.

“Stop being a jerk.” Her breath hitched. “I know this isn’t you.”

“It is. And this is only a small glimpse into the future you’re begging for, so drop it.”

In my entire life, I’d never been more of an asshole. I stepped around her to busy myself doing fucking anything to escape the look of anguish on her face. It made me want to drop to my knees and beg forgiveness for what I’d done. I hated how I was hurting her.

Cam didn’t realize it now, but I did this to save her one last time from a life full of regret if she was stuck with me.