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No truer words have been spoken, and when Hope asks if she can pray for me...

All I can do is nod. Because the moment I try to speak, I feel like I'm going to cry again.

No one has ever asked me that.

No one.

And I wonder how my life would change if someone had, the first time I needed someone to show me that I could always run to God, no matter what.

****

HOPE INSISTS I SLEEPin their guestroom later that night, and honestly? I didn't put up much of a protest. I just wasn't ready to be all alone in my apartment.

Even so, sleep still doesn't come easy. Hope's prayer comes back to me, and my chest squeezes. It was a really simple prayer, but just thinking about it makes me want to cry.

Lord, Shayla, Your beloved daughter needs to hear Your voice.

We know You've been by her side all this time.

But we also know this world that we live in has a way of making it hard for us to feel Your presence.

May she hear Your voice, Lord. May she know Your will. May she find strength and comfort in You, so that she'll never be made to think she's ever alone. She never was, and she never will be. May her hope always be found in You.

I toss and turn in bed. The cat-shaped analog clock on the bedside table tells me it's already midnight, and yet...I still haven't heard a thing.

Should I not be hearing God's voice by this time?

It's so, so tempting to think it's because He's abandoned me...but I remind myself I know better now.

Right?

I sit up. But it still doesn't feel right. I get to my feet. But it's not right either. Nothing feels right until I find myself down on my knees...

Like I have nowhere else to go...

Because I don't.

And that's when the tears start falling again.

I remember Therese touching Adriano like he's already hers, and it hurts.

So, so much.

I remember that night in the boardroom, and this hurts, too.

So, so much.

But what hurts most of all isthis.

This feeling like I should be hearing His voice by now but I don't.

"I don't know if You're listening," I whisper. "I know I've never tried to talk to You. Never had the courage to find out if you were truly real. But this time..."

Oh God, please.

I can't even speak now.

The pain is just too much that all I can do is cry out to Him in my heart.