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Chapter 14
JOHN
John kept his gaze on the motel room TV, even though MacGyver had just finished, and thought about asking the question that had been running through his mind ever since they left those snowy woods.
Did it feel different today when you killed the bear than when you killed Sally?
“Here you go.” His dad handed John the remote before sliding off the motel room’s made bed. “I’m going to the bar to have a couple of beers.”
John sat up, fingers gripping the remote. He opened his mouth to ask about Sally again, but the words stuck in his throat. His dad was already looking out the window.
“Can I come?” He’d finishedEnder’s Gameand didn’t feel like watching any more TV.
His dad shook his head. “Not tonight. I want you to get some rest. We’ve got another early morning tomorrow. There’s another hunting ground I want to scout out before we take the red eye back to Seattle.”
John’s shoulders sagged with disappointment. Ever since they were questioned at the Major Crimes Unit, his dad had been pushing him away. Like his dad couldn’t trust him or something. “But—”
“I said no.” His father flashed him a dark look that sent a shiver through John.
He thought of that huge bear, dead in the woods. He hoped his father wasn’t planning on shooting anything tomorrow.
“Tomorrow we’re going to snowshoe, then I’m going to take you to Chena Hot Springs.” His dad put a hand on John’s shoulder and cracked a smile. “Sound good?”
John nodded.
His dad pulled a bag of M&Ms out of the grocery bag sitting in the corner of the room. “You can have these if you get hungry.” He pointed at the digital bedside clock. “Don’t stay up past ten.”
John leaned back against the headboard. “Okay.”
“I’ll be back soon.” His dad threw on his coat before going out the motel room door.
John scooted off the bed and went to the window, watching his dad stroll across the partially lit motel parking lot toward the bar across the street. Above the weathered wood building,imberline Tavernwas lit up in green flickering neon lights. TheTinTimberlinewas burned out. He’d only seen it during the day when the lights were off. John turned away from the window, picked up the remote, and flipped through the channels. He tried to imagine that he wasn’t alone—that his dad was lying next to him, sharing his M&Ms while they found something to watch together. Even after a day like today, it felt like there was a chasm between them.
Last night he’d gone with his dad to the bar and had played darts while his dad drank two beers.Why did tonight have to be different?He tore open the bag of M&Ms, popping a handful into his mouth. John paused on an episode ofThe Golden Girls.His dad never talked about killing Sally, or what happened to his mother, or what he wanted John to be one day. Had his dad killed others too? Like that waitress Jennifer Duran?How can I prove to him that I can be trusted?
It's not like I don’t know what he did. How could talking about it make it any worse?
He watched until the show went to commercial, then changed the channel.
A dark-haired news anchor filled the screen. She wore a royal blue blazer and sat behind a desk with a blown-up image of Fairbanks behind her. John set down the remote and lifted the bag of candy to his lips.
“The body of Jennifer Duran, the twenty-year-old waitress who went missing in Seattle earlier this month, has been discovered in a wooded area in the Seattle suburb of Burien. Jennifer Duran was last seen arriving at a bus stop after leaving a friend’s house on foot at 4:00 p.m. on January eleventh in a West Seattle neighborhood. Detectives say they are investigating her death as a homicide, citing the at-large Green River Killer among their potential suspects.”
The news anchor moved on to local news. John racked his brain as she announced that more snowfall was expected in Fairbanks that weekend.
There were several times in January that his dad hadn’t gotten home from work until nearly six—two hours after Jennifer Duran was last seen.
But his dadcouldn’thave killed her, John reasoned, draining the last of the M&Ms from the bag. He would’ve had to leave work early to pick her up at 4:00 p.m. Plus, that had been after his dad had promised John he would do better.
The bear dropping dead with athumpin the woods assaulted John’s mind. The splash of blood on the snow next to its head.His father lowering the rifle. At least his dad had now shifted to hunting animals—not humans.
John flipped back to the episode ofTheGolden Girlsand yawned. He looked at the clock.9:15.It felt later. Probably because it was 10:15 in Seattle. John turned off the TV and flicked off the lamp beside the bed. As he stretched out, a dull throb in his calves reminded him of the miles they’d walked today.
Without the noise from the TV, the country music playing from the bar’s jukebox floated through the walls of the dark room. As his eyes adjusted to the dark, his gaze traveled to the motel room’s door that led to the parking lot. A lot of boys his age were scared to be alone. But John didn’t mind it. There was a peacefulness to it that John never quite had when he was with other people, even his dad. Especially his dad, sometimes, even though he wished he and his dad were closer. John closed his eyes and imagined himself alone in a remote cabin, surrounded by snowy woods like the one he walked through today, allowing sleep to overtake him.
***
John woke to headlights shining through the motel room’s blinds. He turned on the springy mattress and checked the clock.2:05 a.m.His dad’s side of the bed was empty.