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At least not without said princess’s permission.

Cairi shoved Tes bodily out the door. “I can’t believe I ever gave you a chance. You’ll have to find someone else to deceive if you want to escape country life.”

Senna handed her friend a small bag—the only thing Tes had brought with her—and Cairi threw it against Tes’s chest. She barely managed to catch it in time. “But where should I go?”

“There are cheap inns aplenty on the edge of town,” Cairi said. “Feel fortunate that I’m leaving you enough coins to pay for a spot after you broke so much of my merchandise.”

With those words, her friend slammed the door in her face. Tes stared at the wood for a moment, surprisingly nonplussed. Was this what it was usually like to be dismissed so abruptly? If it felt this awful when planned, it had to be a nightmare in real life. Though if shehaddone such things as an apprentice, she would’ve deserved it, unpleasant or not.

Letting her shoulders slump, Tes spun away from the door and trudged down the sidewalk, curious glances following her until she was out of range of those who’d witnessed the scene. She had an idea which inns nearest the exit to the tunnels would be safest, and it was early enough that they would probably still have room.

She could settle in for a day or two. Pretend to search for a new job, perhaps, in case she was still being watched. Only when she was certain no one was observing her could she finally make her move. More than a little satisfaction filled her at the thought.

Ber pressedhis palms into his temples until a dull pain gathered behind his eyes, but the distraction wasn’t enough. Yet another night crept by without Tes appearing. How many since the first time he’d sensed her? Two? Time was nothing but ablur of worry and anticipation, a torment that plagued him at every turn. Even Ryenil had noted his distraction, leaving him scrambling to provide a plausible reason.

He could only claim grief—both truth and lie.

Midnight neared, but sleep didn’t. He’d paced the floors. He’d attempted to sleep. He’d even wandered the secret passages in case she was hiding somewhere inside, but all he’d found were the ghosts of their years together. Memories of the times they’d slipped between rooms—or out of the castle entirely—had curled around his heart.

Recollections of the day she’d pulled him into the tunnels to make love…that had twisted his heart in two. Gods, it had been perfect. The stone walls weren’t comfortable, but the spells muffling sound had made it possible for them both to cry out in pleasure as they’d claimed one another. A luxury during the frantic but secret early years of their romantic relationship.

He could swear her moans still echoed around him when he walked there.

Now, he slumped over his desk, Tes’s spell-cloaked journal open to the page where he’d last left off. He needed to write down the rest of his confessions for her, along with an update on the current political alliances and threats. After that, a note for her to give Speran someday—if she even would.

But he couldn’t slow his thoughts enough to tackle any of it.

Had she been identified and captured in the city? Surely not that, or she would have been brought to the king. She might have been arrested for something else, of course. The townspeople and the guards grew more nervous by the day, so suspicion alone could cause trouble. What if she was hurt? The city had grown since the secret passages’ creation. The closest exit had once been in a clearing but was now in the questionable outer areas of town.

Clearly, the ancient Centoi hadn’t thought through their escape tunnels as well as the Llyalians. Ber’s ancestors had set the exit so far from the palace that there’d never been a chance of the city encroaching on it. Over the years, a forest had grown up around the area, only to be declared a reserve. With enough of those scattered around the area, no one suspected a thing about the forest hiding the exit. He hadn’t worried at all about Tes creeping in there.

Where is she?

Half an agonizing hour must have passed by the time he finally lifted his quill and forced himself to write. What else could he do? So he detailed the entirety of Duke Aony’s betrayal, along with every traitor he’d uncovered in the last year. He wrote of suspicions and fears. Plans and hopes. But most of all, he penned his apologies.

I should have told you from the beginning, my love. You lifted me from loneliness and scorn, and I still didn’t trust you enough. But I didn’t want to risk my brother, who’d already suffered so much because of my actions.

Have you ever felt hate and love in equal measure? For years, I held both in my heart for Toren. He had everything I thought I deserved. Then I discovered why the magic was his. But by then, no apology could suffice. All that was left was to gather the world’s hate toward myself so that he didn’t feel its burn.

I suppose I did my best to do the same for you.

Perhaps it wasn’t trust that held me back. Whatever horrors you believe your father capable of, magnify them. I considered confessing more than once, but after he drew me into his misdeeds, I couldn’t bear to earn your hate with the truth. But if you’ve read the whole of my words up to this point, you’ll no doubt know the scope of it. I’ve earned my death.

For you and our child, I would die the greatest villain. Say what you wish of me if it will bring you safety and happiness.

All my love forever—Ber

He’d just signed his name when awareness tingled through him. Tes had reentered the tunnels, so there was little time left. Enough, perhaps, to complete a note to Speran. Nervous excitement made Ber’s fingers tremble as he turned the page, but resolve sent the quill flying with words of regret and love. With advice, too, to help his son avoid his own mistakes.

As the soft snick of the door’s release reached his ears, Ber closed the book and activated the spell that would seal it from anyone but Tes. She would recognize it at once and take it with her after his death. She might not believe a word, but he could be certain she would read it. There was little else he could do beyond that.

His entire body shook with emotion, a cacophony he couldn’t hope to process. He might not have ousted her father as he’d planned, but he’d managed to keep her safe. He’d been underhanded and at times almost cruel in the process—he couldn’t deny it. Yet her energy approached with resolve, her spirit unbroken by her father’s plans for her and Speran.

Should he turn? He’d prayed to see her face one last time, but now he wasn’t sure he could bear it. He didn’t want to see her eyes full of hate. It was one thing to accept becoming the villain she needed to defeat to claim the Centoi throne but another thing entirely to feel the full weight of the horrible cost in the final moments before his death.

So he stared down at the dull brown book even as she eased up behind him, her energy betraying her nearness by inadvertently merging with his. Ber closed his eyes, his lips tipping up into a smile. He could savor this moment when they were together again, in auras if not in truth. He could pretend that she would never be anything but his.

Even when the blade pressed against his throat.