Page 106 of The CEO I Hate
I frowned down at our hands, looking for the words. “I just…I’m happyyou’rehappy, Mom. Really. I guess I still struggle to see how you could be this happy when you’ve been sad and struggled for so long.”
A light laugh. “I feel like you discount how useful therapy is.”
“I don’t discount it. But how can just talking to someone change the past?”
“It’s not about changing the past. It’s about coming to terms with it and figuring out what kind of life you want to have going forward,” she replied. “At the beginning, we really focused on helping me develop better coping mechanisms,” she noted. “But things truly changed when my therapist got me to realize I had to let go of my fear.”
“Your fear?”
She nodded. “For a long time, I was afraid to stop loving your father. I was sure I’d never know a love like the one I’d felt for him ever again, and even though it was hurting me, I wasn’t ready to let it go. It seems silly, but there was a part of me that thought if I let myself stop being sad about it, I’d forget what it had been like back when things were still good between us. But clinging to that past didn’t bring me any closer to the happiness I’d once known. And finally, with a lot of inner work and professional help, I learned how to let that go.”
“That’s…” I sighed.
“Maybe I’m not the only one who has to learn to let go,” she said, looking at me pointedly.
I snorted. “I’m not hanging on to Dad. Trust me. That guy is barely a blip in my memories.”
“I don’t mean your father,” Mom said. “I mean letting go of yourownfear.”
“What fear?”
“Of not being enough, sweetheart.”
I scowled at that. I wanted to tell her she was wrong. But the words I’d said to Mia resurfaced in my mind.I didn’t know how to fix her…I couldn’t figure out why us loving her wasn’t enough to make up for the fact that Dad was gone.
Mom was right. I’d spent my whole life feeling likeIwasn’t enough. And to make up for it, I spent my daysfiguring out how to prove my worth by fixing every problem I came across.
“Connor told me what happened with Mia,” Mom admitted, giving me a sad little smile.
“I don’t want to talk about that.”
Mom’s smile thinned. “Well, I think you should. Because it sounds to me like you let her walk out of your life because you were afraid.”
“Shechoseto walk out,” I argued.
“But did youaskher to stay?” Mom said. “Did you try to make things right?”
I swallowed hard. No. I’d made so many mistakes.
“Honey, you’ll only ever actuallybeenough for someone when you stop being afraid of falling short. You don’thaveto have all the answers to everything, Liam. You don’t have to be able to fix things. You just have to be willing to try. To listen. To let other people in. That’s what love is.”
I didn’t know what to say. In trying to fix everything, I could see now that I’d put Mia last on my list of priorities when she should have been first all along. I’d taken her for granted. I didn’t even know if that was fixable. She hadn’t trusted me before—why the hell would she trust me now?
“What if it’s too late for me and Mia?” I said, my voice barely above a whisper. “What if she doesn’t want this anymore?”
Mom’s eyes softened as she looked at me. “You need to take a leap of faith,” she said gently. “It’s not easy, but if you love her, you have to believe that the two of you can work this out. If she’s who you really want?—”
“She is,” I said, cutting her off, the weight of the words hitting me harder than expected.Of course she’s who I want!I’d just been afraid to admit it to myself.
“Then you have to show her how much you care about her,” Mom said, giving me a knowing look. “It’s the only way you’ll be able to find the happiness you deserve.”
I nodded even as the fear of being too late thrummed in my blood. What ifIwas a risk Mia couldn’t take again? My thoughts turned to Jake and his relationship. Here he was, taking ownership of his mistakes, but still opening his heart to the possibility of something new with Gabrielle. He’d been scared too. I’d seen it in his eyes yesterday. But he’d talked to her. He’d taken the leap.
And that’s exactly what I had to do now.
I needed to stop letting my fears control me and show Mia I was willing to fight for her.
For us.
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