Page 72

Joseph’s heart starts to thump against his ribs. ‘Iamyour husband.’
‘It’s more than just a word.’
Yesterday, sitting here, he’d barely glanced at that nest of cameras. Might a group of officers inside the station be watching the live footage, deciding exactly when to come outside and arrest him?
‘I know that,’ he says. ‘Obviously, I know that. But things have been good enough, haven’t they? I mean, last night we—’
‘Oh, lastnight,’ Erin laughs. It’s a bitter sound, discordant. ‘Yes, that certainly was memorable.’
In a blink he recalls his wife naked on their bed, her palms covered in his blood, shock and horror on her face. When he comes back to himself he realizes that she’s studying him.
‘I know I asked you already,’ she says, ‘but is it repairable?’
‘What?’
‘This. Us.’
‘Erin, until Saturday night I hadn’t even realized what needed fixing. But my eyes are open, now. Well and truly. I’m committed to this. To us. I want it to last for ever.’
‘I know you know,’ Erin says.
‘You know I know what?’
She closes her eyes, leans her head against the rest. ‘Joe, please. This is hard enough without you playing dumb. We can be adults about it, can’t we? The question I really want to ask is whether Max knows.’
He sees pain lines creasing her face, cords of muscle standing proud in her neck.
‘Whether Max knowswhat, Erin? What are you talking about?’
‘Are you really going to make me say it?’
‘I guess I really am.’
‘Whether he knows about Angus.’
Fireflies stutter and dance in front of Joseph’s eyes. ‘I don’t get you.’
‘About me and Angus.’
‘You and Angus?’
And then, suddenly, he understands.
There’s an itch in Joseph’s throat he can’t scratch. He coughs, hawks, but he can’t get any relief. A sudden, appalling chasm opens up inside him. Rapidly, it begins to expand – a cathedral of black nothing, vast in its emptiness.
‘It won’t help,’ Erin whispers, ‘but I’m going to say it anyway. I’m so sorry, Joe. I’m so dreadfully, dreadfully sorry.’ At last she turns to him, her eyes swimming. ‘I was lonely, heartbroken really. You kept pushing me away. I thought you’d given up on us. And none of that is an excuse.’
His phone starts buzzing. He pulls it out, sees that Max is calling. Dazed, not knowing what else to do, he puts the phone to his ear.
‘Dad,’ the boy says. ‘Don’t tell her anything. Don’t you—’
Joseph ends the call.
‘Was that him?’ Erin asks. ‘Was that Max?’
‘Yes.’
‘He knows, doesn’t he? Did you tell him? Or did he find out all by himself?’