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that escaping where I was, the poverty, the hopelessness, the

abuse of my mom was more important than being who I really

was. And now I can’t.”

Now it made sense, what Adalynn said before. Her

husband’s work mattered to other people. It mattered to her.

Their work together mattered to her. She had loved him in her

own way and that mattered to her too. She didn’t want to

wreck the past moving forward. It was an impossible position

and Cassia didn’t envy her, but she did ache for her, and for

the choices she’d had to make.

“I guess you see now why what you do doesn’t bother me.

We all have to do what we can. What’s the alternative? Just

give up? Let life swallow us?”

Cassia nodded, but it wasn’t agreement. She didn’t have an

answer to that. “It sounds like you paid your dues.”

“I didn’t mean it to come out like that. That wasn’t how it

was.”

“Not with him. He sounds like he was a good man. Probably

one of the best men in a world full of men who aren’t very

good at all. It sounds like you loved him like the brother and

father you never had. Maybe you needed that. Maybe th

at’s

not wrong. I don’t think it’s wrong. If you gave as much as

you took. Like you said, we all have to do what we have to do

to keep from being a victim. That’s not a life worth living. It

sounds like you’ve lived a great deal. I can only imagine what

an exciting life you’ve had. What I meant about the dues was

that you paid them with yourself. You paid them for a decade

and now you still can’t be who you want out of respect and

love.”