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“No.”

“But—”

“Louisa, it is…” Jonathan fiddled with the reins, and his horse backtracked a few more steps. Louisa urged her horse around to close the distance between them, but her horse refused to cooperate. “My life has been fraught with so much discontent. I… I cannot…”

“Are you trying to say I am not as bright as the sun anymore?” Now, thankfully, her horse cooperated. “Or do you mean to say—”

“I am saying that we have no future together, Louisa. Go home.”

Louisa lurched forward so fast she almost fell off her horse, but she managed to secure his reins from him. “I know this is not you, that this is not what you want. No matter what you think or say, I will not stop loving you.”

Jonathan would not meet her gaze. “I will always look back fondly on the times we had together, but we shall not share any more experiences. No more dances. No more strolls through the park. No more secret meetings. No more—”

“No more Christmas kisses?”

Louisa leaned forward to steal one early, but Jonathan shifted back in his saddle, too far out of reach. She stumbled, then, and almost fell from her horse, but strong arms encircled her. Her heart pounded in her chest. The sound of her pulse throbbed in her ears as she stared up at the face of the only man she would ever love.

“You are beautiful,” Jonathan whispered, still holding her despite their being on separate horses. “You are kind and witty and charming. I’ll never forget the first time we danced. I was so nervous I forgot all of the steps.”

“I’ll never forget the first time we met. You saved the day.”

“Trudging through the snow to help a princess fulfill her quest.”

She giggled. “But I am not a princess. I am only—”

“You deserve to be treated like a princess. You deserve the kind of life I cannot provide. Please, Louisa. Do not make this any harder than it has to be, for both our sakes. You should marry, and you know that he cannot be me.”

Despite his words, Jonathan kissed her. It was free, spirited, and passionate, the best kiss Louisa had ever been given, and also the worst, for when they broke apart, Jonathan rode off.

CHAPTER9

1812

Anna widened her eyes. “What happened next?”

“I spent several nights going over my options. I knew where Jonathan was headed—he loved to visit a small town up north, and he had a few friends there. All I had to do was sell some jewelry, pack up a few essentials, and go to him. He would not turn me aside a third time. I could tell by that kiss.” Her mother’s cheeks bloomed pink, and she looked many years younger than her age.

“Is that what you did?” Anna asked, feeling breathless herself.

“I chose to listen to my family, to follow the course they laid out for me. I married the duke, and some days, I was not completely miserable. I never did forget my love. When I was with Jonathan, I felt truly happy. I wrote him a letter a day even though I knew I could not dare send them to him.”

Anna’s head was overloaded. Her father was not a duke, and his name had not been Jonathan. When would her father enter the mix?

“Did you ever see Jonathan again?”

Her mother laughed giddily. “Not only did I see him, but I also married him!”

* * *

Autumn, 1793

Louisa spent her short married life doing all she could to keep her husband happy. She thought fondly of him, enough to cry when he left to join the war. The French occupied Belgian lands and now threatened their trade with the Dutch, and so British troops were sent into battle.

She had been with Jean, her best friend, when she received the news that Felton had succumbed to his battle wounds suffered at Hondschoote.

It was a terribly dark time in Louisa’s life. Her parents had died shortly after the wedding—the result of a terrible carriage accident—and without her husband, and without her love, she felt numb. Her marriage had lasted only a few short weeks, and now she was all alone.

Far sooner than was proper, gentlemen came to call to see how she was faring. She knew they were only there to try to swoop in the moment her mourning passed. They hoped to be the one she would pick next to marry.