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I slide into the back seat and rattle off James’s address, my voice shaking. As the taxi pulls away, my hands start to tremble. What am I even going to say when I see him?Willhe see me? What if he turns me away?
The city rushes by outside the window, but all I can focus on is the fear crawling beneath my skin. James deserves to know the truth, and I should have told him sooner. But telling him meant accepting that my entire world could collapse.
What if I’ve not only ruined my life, but his too? James didn’t deserve this. He didn’t deserve the lies, the half-truths, the betrayal.
What if he can’t forgive me?
The thought makes me want to scream.No. I can’t think like that. I have to believe that if I explain everything—if I tell him how scared I was, how much I’ve wanted to tell him but didn’t know how—he’ll understand. Maybe there’s still a chance.
The taxi comes to a stop outside James’s estate. The gates loom in front of me, taller than I remember. Anxiety flows through me as I climb out of the car and stand before the intercom.
My hands shake as I press the Call button, the dial tone loud in the still air. I stand there, waiting, with only the sound of my own jittery breaths for company.
Seconds stretch, each heavier than the last, and with every breath, my hope frays a little more. My fingers tighten around the strap of my purse as I try to imagine James just inside those gates. Maybe he’s pacing, thinking. Maybe, like me, he’s desperate to fix this, to hear me out. My heart swells with the faintest hope that when the gate swings open, he’ll be there, his eyes soft, his arms ready to pull me in.
But there’s no movement. No sign of him. The seconds tick by, and with each one, my hope dies a little more.
Then the intercom crackles to life, and I nearly jump out of my skin.
“Hello. How can I help you?”
I take a deep breath, trying to steady myself. “Hi, it’s Cora. James… he’s expecting me. I’m just a little early.” The lie stings as it leaves my lips, but I’m desperate. I was supposed to spend the night with him anyway—before everything went wrong. Maybe if the guard thinks I’m expected, he’ll let me in.
There’s a long pause and I bit my lip.
“I’m sorry, ma’am,” the guard’s voice says, cutting through the silence like a knife. “Mr. Hayes has requested no visitors today.”
I close my eyes, trying to hold back the tears that are already burning at the corners of my eyes. I knew this was coming, but it still feels like the ground has dropped out from under me.
“Please,” I whisper, my words almost lost in the silence. “I just need to talk to him. It’s important.” I press my hand to my stomach, trying to calm myself. I glance up at the camera on the gate, hoping, praying that James is there somewhere, listening, watching. That he’ll change his mind.
“I’m sorry,” the guard says again. “I know who you are, but I can’t let you in. James’s instructions were very clear.”
He knows who I am. James told him. He doesn’t want to see me.
I knew he was angry, but this… this feels like a final door slamming shut in my face. I blink hard, trying to push back the tears.
“I understand,” I mumble, though the words feel hollow.
I turn away and slip back into the taxi, which had been waiting for me. I didn’t even realize I hadn’t paid the driver, I was so caught up in my frantic need to fix things. My last chance has slithered through my fingers, vanishing as quickly as I was dismissed.
The taxi pulls away and I turn and watch the gate grow smaller as the distance between us stretches wider than ever. James is behind those cold iron bars, shutting me out of his world. My heart, my limbs—everything aches, and I pull my arms tight around myself, as if I can physically hold the pieces of my life together. But no matter how hard I cling, they’re slipping away. I’m slipping away. And there’s no one left to catch me.
Chapter thirty-three
Cora
Monday morning hits likea sledgehammer, leaden with the burden of everything unsaid. My hands shake as I drop my purse at my desk, determination and dread warring in my mind. I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. Not until I face James. I won’t leave this building without talking to him.
My mind races through a thousand worst-case scenarios—he hates me, he never wants to see me again, he’s already moved on.I swallow hard, forcing down the panic clawing at my throat. I have to stay focused.
My pace is quick, my heart pounding in time with each step as I swipe my security pass in the elevator and press the button for the fortieth floor. But nothing happens. The red light stays on, mocking me.
I swipe the card again, harder this time. No green light. No movement.
My heart drops.
No… he wouldn’t.