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I lay my cheek on his shoulder. “It wasn’t your fault. You know that, right?”

“Now I do, yeah. Some parents just shouldn’t be parents, and I get that it wasn’t anything I did that made her leave. But it messed me up a bit. And then I started hanging out with Kane more and more, spent time at your house, and I saw what a family was supposed to look like. At first, I resented it. I was totally jealous of what Kane had with all of you, but you know how your parents just swallow you up and include you in everything, whether you like it or not?”

I laugh, thinking of what I said to Heather. “Oh, yeah, I get it.”

“One day, I forgot to be jealous and just accepted that I was part of the family. I spent less time at home. And, frankly, I don’t think my dad even noticed much. It was probably a relief to him. And then, I went away to the Army because I needed the structure. I needed to feel as if I belonged somewhere, and I knew that I wouldn’t be able to afford college on my own.”

“Did you like being in the Army?” I ask him.

“Yeah, I did. I liked the guys I served with, and when I found out that computers were my jam, and they put me through school for it, I was grateful again. I went from being in a shitty situation to having an opportunity to break that cycle. And I held on to it with both hands. Then chose a field that gives me a comfortable lifestyle. But it has its trade-offs.”

“You can’t talk about it,” I whisper.

“That’s the biggest one,” he admits. “It’s not that I’m a gossip, you know? I’ve never been one to offer up a bunch of information that isn’t somebody’s business. But it’s not easy to have this huge job that literally no one can know about. No matter how much I trust someone or love them, I can’t tell them what I have going on. I’ve signed agreements that state I can be incarcerated if I break that promise.”

“I’m sorry that I gave you so much crap for always being so secretive and for not being around,” I say, cupping his cheek in my palm. “I guess I’m selfish. I want to know because I care about you, and I want to know everything that you have going on. Not because I’m nosy.”

“I get that. It’s a simple, ‘Hey, honey, how was your day?’ But I can’t tell you about my day most of the time. And I hate that part of it. If I’d known, way back when, that this was how it would be, I’m not so sure I’d do it again.”

I frown and notice that the sky is starting to lighten with the early signs of dawn. “My da always says that if you change what happened before, the now would be different, too. And I wouldn’t change this moment with you, Cam. I wouldn’t wish this away.”

“Me, either.”

“I promise you I won’t get angry about your job. When you have to be vague, or if you can’t say anything at all, I won’t hold it against you.”

He kisses my forehead and takes a long, deep breath. “Thank you. I would never do anything to make you lose your trust in me. Just always remember that.”

“I know you wouldn’t. I do trust you. How could I not, after everything we’ve been through?”

We’re quiet again, listening to the waves and watching as the day awakens.

“I always wanted to live on the water,” I say to him, surprised that I’m confessing this for the first time out loud. “When Joey and I were looking for a house, I said I wanted to be close to the ocean, and he scoffed. Said we couldn’t afford it, and even if we could, a house exposed to the elements and salt water would require too much maintenance. Of course, I didn’t know that he had a whole slew of money hidden away.

“I feel more alive when the sea is in view than I do at any other time in my life. It’s like it fuels my soul somehow, you know? It rejuvenates me. And I can picture myself with a little vegetable garden so I can grow food to put in my recipes. Of course, there’s a dog sleeping in the sunshine, and maybe a swing set in the yard.”

I swallow hard and then take a shaky breath.

“I’ve never told anyone that before. I’d stopped daydreaming about those things.”

“I think you should start again, Mary Margaret,” Cam says and wraps his arm around my shoulders. “I like that particular daydream.”

“I do, too.” God, have I ever felt so content? So at ease? I don’t think I’ve trusted anyone the way I do Cam. I know that I could open my soul to him, the way I just did, and I would be safe.