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I risk a peek over at Charlie and immediately regret it. He looks infuriatingly good and much more at ease in his mankini. Where I’m all bulky muscle, he’s lean and toned, with long, sinewy limbs.

As if sensing my gaze, he turns his head and catches me staring. His face splits into an even wider grin. “See something you like, Danny Boy? I know I’m pretty irresistible in this thing.” He executes a pirouette and nearly topples into the smelly dumpster.

I roll my eyes, fighting back a smile despite my predicament. “Fuck off. I’m just jealous of your hairless ass. Mine could be mistaken for Sasquatch’s over here.”

“Hey, don’t put yourself down, Danny Boy. That furry rump of yours will keep your cheeks from getting frostbite.”

“Small miracles,” I mutter while working hard to unstick the fabric from my crack.

My hairy ass has always been one of my biggest insecurities. It started back in high school when Ash Thompson made a comment about it in the locker room. “Hey, Hollingsworth! You better be careful sliding into home. Might start a brush fire.”Hardy-har-har.

I foolishly believed the teasing would die down in college, but if anything, it got worse.

When Olivia and I first started dating, we went to the beach, where she caught a glimpse of my bare ass when my board shorts slipped down as I walked out of the ocean.

“Damn, Daniel! Did you forget to mow the backyard?” It was the first time I realized how much of a filter she lacked. “You should really consider getting that waxed. No girl wants to get with a guy whose ass is hairier than an ape’s.”

Her words stung, striking right at the heart, even if it wasn’t her intention.

Surprisingly, Charlie’s the only one who’s ever had anything positive to say about my ass. The first time he saw it, he whistled and said, “Dude! That’s a glorious fur coat. Bet it keeps you warm in the winter.”

I didn’t know whether to be flattered or utterly mortified. But that’s Charlie for you—always looking on the bright side of life. His easy acceptance simultaneously intrigues and confuses me.

Chancing another glance at him as he stretches, I admire the smooth planes of his back and the twin dimples right above his backside.

I’ve seen Charlie’s ass countless times in the locker room, but I’ve never truly taken the time to study it. Under the harsh glare of the nightlife, I notice a small mole above his right cheek. It’s a tiny imperfection on an otherwise flawless canvas. There’s also a faint scar, no more than an inch long, gracing the back of his upper thigh. I wonder how he got it. Probably doing something reckless and stupid, knowing him.

As he shifts his weight, the muscles in his glutes flex and ripple. A strange, unfamiliar heat pools in my belly as I continue to stare, unable to tear my eyes from it, even though I know I should.

“Earth to Danny Boy!” Charlie’s voice snaps me out of my trance. “You still with me, bro?”

I blink rapidly, a hot flush creeping up my neck that has nothing to do with the cold. “Y-yeah, I’m good. I think I zoned out for a sec.”

He eyes me curiously but doesn’t press further. Suddenly, the creaky back door of the dive bar swings open. I turn, expecting to see some drunk patron coming out for a smoke break and laughing their ass off at us, but it’s only Olivia. She’s bundled up in her puffy black jacket, a thick red scarf, and a knit hat pulled low over her ears.

I’ve never been so jealous of winter attire in my entire life. I so badly want to be swaddled in all those layers. The icy fingers of wind are groping me in places I’ve neverbeen groped.

“Don’t you two look positively titillating,” she says, her eyes raking over us in fascination. “I must say, I wasn’t sure either of you’d actually go through with this.”

“We’re m-men of our word,” Charlie declares through chattering teeth. He puffs out his chest, but the gesture loses some of its bravado when his body becomes racked with shivers.

Olivia’s lips twitch at our misfortune. “As impressive as this display of masculinity is, we’re only a couple of hours away from midnight. So, let’s get this show on the road, huh?”

“We’re walking down the street and back, right?” I ask, despite knowing my girlfriend well enough to know she has something more sinister up her sleeve.

“Fuck that,” she scoffs. “I want you to walk around the blockthreetimes.”

“What? Three times?!” Charlie and I yelp in unison, our voices hitting an octave neither of us knew we could reach.

“Yep,” Olivia confirms with a nod. “And to commemorate this moment…” She reaches into her jacket pocket and pulls out her phone. The telltale sound of the camera shutter rapid-firing makes my insides shrivel. “Smile, boys! You’re going to be famous.”

Or laughingstocks. But I keep that thought to myself and instead convey the depth of my unadulterated loathing through my eyes since my mouth seems to have frozen shut. Charlie, on the other hand, embraces the moment the way he always does.

“You got it, Liv!” He throws her a wink and a jaunty salute, clicking his heels like a modern major general. “Danny Boy and I will give you a night you won’t forget!”

He holds out his hand and patiently waits for me to take it. I eye his calloused palm warily, worried that my skin will get stuck to his like a tongue on a frozen pole. Glancing up, I nearly get lost in the hopefulness in his eyes.

With a sigh, I give in. “Let’s get this over with before my balls turn into ice cubes.”