Page 99

“I’m sorry,” she says, even though she knows Maddy isn’t really there. Her appearance is just another movie in her mind. It doesn’t matter. Charlie still feels compelled to say it. The last words she wishes she had uttered when Maddy was still alive. “You weren’t an awful friend. I’m sorry I said that. I didn’t mean it. You were an amazing friend. You made me feel—”
“Alive?” Maddy says.
“Yes,” Charlie says.
And not just alive. In-a-movie alive, which is far superior in every way.
“I know,” Maddy says. “I’ve always known. Right until the end.”
The man standing with her remains frozen in time, still unknowable with his turned back, bowed head, hand cupped aroundthe lighter’s flame. Charlie knows that even if she steps closer, like a director entering the frame, she won’t be able to see what he looks like. He’ll be a shadow no matter how close she gets.
So it’s Maddy she looks at, sparkling in the spotlight. She’s so bright that the shadowy figure in the fedora fades away. Darkness banished by light.
Maddy stands alone now, ridiculously tall in her high heels and clutching a Virginia Slim.
“Do you miss me?” she says.
Charlie nods, holding back a tear in the process. “Of course.”
“Then stay.”
Charlie would like that. If she could, she’d live in this movie for as long as possible. But she knows she can’t.
“You’re not real,” she says to Maddy. “You’re just a movie in my mind.”
“But isn’t that better than real life?”
“It is. But I need to live in the real world.”
“Even if it’s scary?” Maddy says.
“Especially if it’s scary.”
Right now, she needs complete knowledge of her surroundings. Not only where she is but who might be nearby.
Clarity.
That’s what the situation requires. Her life depends on it.
“But this might be the last time you ever see me,” Maddy says.
Charlie feels more tears coming. She keeps them at bay, determined to make this make-believe goodbye the complete opposite of the real-life version.
No anger.
No tears.
Only love and joy and appreciation.
“Then make it memorable,” she says.
Maddy strikes a pose, standing in profile, one hand on her hip,the other elegantly extended as the smoke curls from the cigarette between her fingers. It is, Charlie thinks, perfect.
“What a dump!” Maddy says.
Charlie smiles and closes her eyes, knowing that when she opens them, Maddy will be gone for good.
“I think I adore you,” she says.