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No, I didn’t know. I had no idea how we went from where we were last night to…here. Of course, I was a fucking idiot because anything and everything I did with Baker seemed…right. “Help me understand, Baker. I’m struggling with your body language. I realize we haven’t had many opportunities together, but you’ve never seemed tense before now. Is it because of what we did last night? Is that what’s changed things for you?”
“Uh…yeah,” Baker answered like I was a moron.
“I see,” I answered. I tried to keep the anger out of my voice but felt confident that I’d failed. Me being pissed off at him for being honest was pretty shitty, so I struggled to force myself to remain professional. “How would you like me to address this with Landon? Do you think you’d be comfortable with the two of us visiting the club, but not participating in a scene? There’s been so much online chatter that we might be able to get away with minimal engagement.”
When he looked at me this time, he didn’t even attempt to hide his eye roll. “No, Seth, you don’tsee. Oh, and keep Landon out of this,” he snapped. “When we started this…assignment, I knew it would be something I could do—even if you didn’t have the same faith in my submissive abilities. I’ve participated in BDSM for a long time. It’s given me the opportunity to hand over control to someone else, which helps with my OCD issues. I’ve, uh, had some really good Mistresses over the years. I know how to act in a scene.”
I frowned. “It isn’t supposed to be acting, Baker.”
“Let me finish,” he said with a frown to equal my own.
I nodded for him to continue—my anger beginning to ebb. His frustrations made me ache somewhere near the heart area…which was above and beyond idiocy.
“With the others, it wasdifferent. Maybe I was…acting, I don’t know. I didn’t think I was. Like I said, I enjoyed it. I’ve always gotten what I wanted.” His eyes locked with mine. “Until now.”
Well, fuck. There was no denying or lying, which hurt like a mother—fucker.
His tongue swiped his bottom lip before he continued. “Now, with you, what I’m doing doesn’t feel natural.”
Double-fuck.
“I’m saying and doing what I think I’m supposed to, the way I’ve been trained, but it isn’t what I want to do. I want what we’re doing to be more…real. There are things I want to do and say but I know they’re out of line.”
My stupid little heart jumped up for a high-five, right inside my chest. “What do you mean ‘out of line’, Baker? There isn’t a schoolbook of BDSM which describes how each submissive or dominant should behave. It should always be what makes both comfortable and brings enjoyment. No Dom or Domme wants a submissive whose responses are faked.”
He started shaking his head. “It isn’t like I’ve been faking. I haven’t. It’s just that when I’m with you, my responses are different…spontaneous, almost. When it’s always been easy to answer with a simple yes, or no, Ma’am, it’s not so easy now. I want to ask questions and say things.” His head dropped again and with the next statement, his voice lowered. “In my mind, I see me saying smartass, pouty things and I guess I’m asking for leniency for a while.” He waved in my direction and added, “All this is new to me and I don’t really have the experience or training to act properly. I just…I just want it to be morereal.”
Real—there was nothing I wanted more. I caressed his cheek and he leaned into my touch. Warning alarms sounded in my head. Baker was dangerous. He had the power to steal my heart and then, when he tired of his curiosity, crush that same heart when he walked away.
As he continued to rub into my hand like a cat rubbed against its beloved owner, I realized the pleasure would be worth the pain. No one before Baker had gotten close to touching my heart and I suspected he’d ruin it for all those after him.
“Are you asking if you can be my pouty sub and not be disciplined for your actions?” I asked, forcing my voice into a teasing tone. More than anything, I wanted to alleviate the worry that had his shoulders tense and a frown on his puffy lips. Baker was beautiful when he smiled and laughed—so damned beautiful that I found myself craving the look and sound like an addict craved drugs.
A hint of a smile touched his lips. “You know I don’t mind the discipline, I actually enjoy that.” His blue eyes locked with mine and he added, “I just don’t want to disappoint you.”
I heard my own breath hitch in my throat and my heart tumbled. “Never, Baker. There’s nothing you could do within the walls of this room or outside these walls that would disappoint me.” The tension literally evaporated before my very eyes. The small smile turned into a larger one.
“Okay. Thank you, Sir.”
His voice already sounded sassy. I knew right then and there that today was going to be something new for me. It was rare that I didn’t find enjoyment in my role as a dominant, sometimes a lot more enjoyment than others, but always pleasure. With Baker, I had a feeling I was about to have plenty of enjoyment…but somefun, as well. It was going to be a day of experimentation for both of us.
“What would you like to do today, my sweet little sub?” I asked. “What dirty deeds are you going to allow me to perform on you?”
His lips moved around on his face in a comical way and his eyes darted around the room. “Uh, yeah, what you mentioned earlier, at the gym, sounded okay with me.”
His cheeks were colored a pretty pink as he answered me.
“No, that’s not going to work for me, Baker,” I answered with a smile of my own. “I want to hear you say it. Think back to all the things I mentioned this morning, and tell me which one you want to start with.” I stood back up and patted him on the head. “Be explicit, please. I love words which help me visualize a specific scene.”