Page 7 of Styx & Stones

The day after my chemosession, I can barely move. For a treatment which is supposed to save my life, it sure feels like it’s killing me. I lie in bed and watch the turning leaves of the Ficus through the window. I’ve felt nauseous off and on, but the real killer is the splitting migraines. Nothing new there; that was what led to my diagnosis in the first place. I slide my phone off the nightstand and pull up IG. I’d told my followers I wanted to document my whole experience, but I feel like shit, so no way am I appearing on camera today without a filter.

“Hey, Aerosol Addicts. Alaska here. No, chemo didn’t make me grow giant puppy-dog ears; they come to you courtesy of the fact that my face will totally break the internet if I film without some type of filter right now. And not at all in a Kim K way. So, here’s the deal ... chemo sucks. Cancer sucks.”

I sit up and wince when every muscle in my body screams for me to stop.

“Yesterday, I went for my first treatment. It was terrifying, but still not a scary as I expected. Kinda weird though. When I walked in, the other patients were laughing and practically singing Kumbaya. It was a bit shocking at first; I think I expected everyone to be strapped to beds and screaming in pain while some mad scientist blasted our bodies with X-rays.” I laugh at my own ignorance. “Pretty stupid, right?”

I shake my head and clear my throat. “Anyway, I watched a couple of tragic rom-coms with my mom, took a nap, and stalked Noah Centineo’s Insta, and Snapchat.A lot. Overall, it wasn’t as bad as I expected.

“Today though? Today sucks. I can barely move. Everything hurts—even my eyelashes have all the negative vibes. I’m sure it gets easier as time goes on. Or, at least, that’s what I hope, but for now I’m going to take advantage of the fact that I don’t have to be in school, and this bitch is going to take a goddamn nap. Later, Addicts.”

I sign off, barely having time to put my phone down before the lethargy wins and drags me under.

Chemo, cancer, and the tumor taking up residence in my brain might suck, but naps?

Naps are king.

CHAPTER FIVE

ALASKA

The first three daysafter chemo are hell. My life is an endless cycle of pain and puke and feeling halfway dead. By day four, Grace and Eleanor come to visit. I’ve seen my two best friends exactly three times since my diagnosis, and our texts have been awkward AF. I need them right now, but they’ve been ghosting me.

“So what have you guys been up to?” I blurt out while Grace is telling me all about how her latest crush gave her a pencil—and his number—when she dropped hers during their Chemistry pop quiz.

Grace frowns, and Eleanor looks down at her shoes.

“Coach is pushing us really hard for Cheer,” Grace says.

“Yeah, we’re practicing all the time now.” El nods. “We barely made an appearance last night at Cole’s, and I have no idea how we’re going to get away for Grace’s party.”

“You went to Cole’s?”

“Yeah,” Grace says, shrugging off my question. “He had a thing last night, but it was just a small group of friends.”

El scoffs. “Um ... the whole school was there.”