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“Thanks.” Full tears spilled down Piper’s cheeks, and she swiped them away as quickly as possible, already knowing she was going to have to deal with the mess she was making on her face. She’d have time for it.

“Yeah, yeah.” Bunny bumped Piper’s shoulder as they walked back toward the bus. “Enough of the emotional stuff. We need to finish getting ready, or Siena might actually go through with her monthly threat of killing us.”

Piper laughed and followed Bunny inside, making sure to collect the touch-up crew on the way.

They might end up starting a few minutes late, but it was worth it. It had to be. She’d never felt freer than she did now, even though she didn’t have all of the answers. All she knew was that she was in love, and she had her best friend’s blessing. Now she just had to find a way to un-fake her fake engagement.

white christmas

THIRTY-FOUR

bunny

“Here we go,” Bunny whispered to herself. She smiled and gave a sharp nod to no one in particular as she walked from the bus toward the back of the stage. She had watched Piper bounce off like Tigger, too excited to walk at Bunny’s forced calm pace.

Bunny knew she only had a moment or two left on her own, and she relished it. She had to get focused for this performance, because it needed to be as good as she’d promised it on the news the day before. She’d let her mind wander off in some wild and crazy ways since she last saw Bea. And she knew it was going to take some time, but she needed her world settled once more. The turmoil inside of her calm. Sad but calm—that’s about where she was at right now.

Bea had left, and Bunny had very little hope of enticing her to come back.

Nervousness coursed through her system, speeding up and down her body in anything other than a comforting sensation. Except it was comforting. She had these each and every time she got on stage to perform, but especially tonight, where there were so many other people relying on her talents and efforts.

Up ahead, Piper and Jo talked animatedly with each other. They leaned into the conversation, hands flying as they spokeand fingers brushing skin without hesitation or glances around them. Was this it for them? Was Piper confessing her love and adoration? Was Jo accepting it?

After the little conversation with Bea, Bunny had no doubt that Jo felt the same way that Piper did. And she wanted this for them. She wanted them to wake up and see exactly what they had. They fit together so well, and she had never seen Piper happier. She’d been stupid to try and block it before, angry and scared, and Bea was right. She wasn’t going to do anything to affect that again.

If Bunny couldn’t have her own happily ever after, she wanted it even more for her best friend.

Taking a deep breath, Bunny let the tighter fit of clothing do its work. She had never felt comfortable in the skintight outfits she wore on stage, and she was even less comfortable tonight in the subtle but undeniable rainbow suit she wore. But over the years, the outfits had helped her step into the character ofBunny the Performer. Bunny who crooned and made the women swoon. She rolled her eyes at herself. Who had she ever been kidding? They had always had a majority female audience.

And a lot of queer women at that.

She shouldn’t have been so dense as to deny that from the start. At the very least to herself. The fans would stay. They might not have all those years ago. But they would now. She had more certainty in that than ever before. Bunny tamped down her fear. Why had she still let it take the wheel?

Reaching Piper and Jo was a relief as she pushed back the churning thoughts in her mind. The two of them stood—though neither of them was remotely still, ever—near the stairs they would all go up shortly, one after the other as they were introduced.

The stairs were a crosshatched metal and clanged with the sound of their footsteps. During rehearsals yesterday, they hadtried with and without shoes, but it hadn’t seemed to matter all that much. No matter what, the clanging was undeniable. They had decided to bang their way up the stairs only after they were announced. It would help build the crowd’s excitement and energy as they waited a little longer than normal. The crowd’s inevitable cheers would also minimize the sound of the performer’s stomping feet on the temporary stage.

A cold breeze picked up, biting at Bunny’s cheeks. They’d barely managed to practice one night out here, and it was going to be a chilly one at best. Bunny had jackets on standby for everyone as the hours ticked by and the temperatures dropped. It had been Siena’s idea to do it outside, a throwback to one of her favorite movies, but Bunny hadn’t been convinced it was the greatest idea. Then again, it was a beautiful night.

As they stood at the bottom of the stairs, listening to Allegra talk about the Holbrook Foundation, the sound of the crowd moved like the roar of the sea. It drew close and then pulled back out in its own rhythm.

“So, are we all confident and ready to go?” Bunny asked, hoping she didn’t sound condescending or as though she were in charge of them. It was natural for her to worry about those things. But just because certain things felt natural didn’t mean she had to keep following them as though that were her only path.

“Absolutely.” Jo’s smile was ridiculously wide, even for Jo. She just about vibrated out of her costume. A costume that Bunny still felt queasy about, although she had now come to the conclusion that it was more a trained reaction than her actual feelings. She was glad Jo had been open to talking to her about the costumes again. She hadn’t held up her end of the bargain, but Jo had adjusted the patterns anyway. These were definitely not as bright as the original designs that Jo had done and Siena had approved of.

Jo had been so kind. Hadn’t scoffed at Bunny or accused her again of trying to hide who they were, trying to play down the gay. She’d simply agreed it would be better to have each costume match their individual skin tones, as though that meant something to Bunny.

Looking at Jo and Piper in their dresses, she couldn’t help the pride at seeing them. Not only for their ability to embrace who they were, but how the slightly muted colors worked more powerfully against the false snow setting on the stage.

After this evening, Bunny really needed to take some time off, just like Piper kept suggesting. But for tonight, she would revel in the performance for a worthy cause.

Jo met Bunny’s eyes and the continued overly stretched smile that made Jo look like the joker had Bunny squirming uncomfortably.

“What’s going on?” Bunny directed her question to Piper in the hopes of some explanation, without anyone getting offended by her being too brusque or direct.

Piper’s own enthusiasm and too-wide grin did nothing to ease Bunny’s concern. The two of them together could charge a whole city with the energy they produced, and probably light up all of Portland with their thousand-watt smiles.

“Bunny.”