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Not that this is much better…I hadn’t really thought about it much.

“Um…” Words evade me as I try to find a good way to explain it. She waits, and I let out a huff of frustration, annoyed with myself and my inability to just say what I need to.

After a second, she looks up at me, and the pain I see in her eyes is enough to get my mouth moving.

“I know he’s important to you, so I was monitoring him. My father has been gone, so I’ve had no reason to call on him. I’d hoped to help him find a piece of himself, but so far, he seems lost.”

Something sparks in her eyes, and she quickly moves back into my space, her eyes wide as she searches mine for something.

“Can you really help him? Is there a way to save him?”

Her hand fists into the fabric of my shirt, and I’m nodding before I’ve even really registered what it was she asked.

Thank the gods the answer is yes, at least I think there is.

“I think so.”

Her shoulders sag, and I know it wasn’t the answer she wanted; it’s not the answer I wanted to give her either, but it’s better than a no. Her eyes harden, and she gives a nod before releasing me and taking a step back.

“What do I need to do?”

Ryker thinks I can save Lyle. Something about the darkness being more powerful than the rest of the elements, even light.

Of course, that's what I need to save him. I can’t, like, sacrifice an animal or do physical training. No, I need to do something that's damn near impossible for me. Despite how often I’ve been working with my shadows, I still don’t have control.

But I can learn it.

Or so Ryker seems to think.

We parted ways with the agreement that we’ll meet in the same place tomorrow and start my training.

Which sounds easy enough—except, you know, the fact that there are at least four guys back at the castle that I’m shocked I made it here without this time…

I’ll figure it out, though. I have to.

I’m distracted all day thinking about how I’ll possibly get back there tonight. Hell, getting back in was hard enough without my shadows jumping to help like they did when I left. Thankfully, I’d only woken Sol up when I crawled back into bed, and he easily accepted my ‘I went to the bathroom’ excuse.

“You need to eat, Rena.” I blink and then blink again, trying to remember what the fuck I was doing.

Pike sits on my right with Blair across from me, while Sol and Garrett are on my other side. Storm sits at the same table as us today, but not with us. He still won’t look at me or Sol, but he isn’t running away when I look at him, so at least there’s that.

Honestly, I don’t remember what I did today or how I even got here, but I need them to remain blissfully unaware that anything is going on.

Blair and Sol might not be as upset if they found out, and I doubt Storm would even really notice, but Garrett…

Fuck, ifhenotices, I’m not sure what would happen, but I know it won’t be good.

“Sorry, I’m just tired,” I tell him, forcing a tight smile before I do, in fact, take a bite of my food. If I’m going to be working with my shadows and pushing myself, I’m probably going to need my strength.

The flavor explodes in my mouth—some kind of pasta with an orange sauce that has a hint of spice. I’m not sure exactly what it is, but I’m almost positive this is the first bite I’ve taken and the first time something has genuinely tasted good to me in a while.

The last few weeks have been about survival, everything was done out of necessity, not for satisfaction. I ate and slept to stay alive, bathed because I needed to be clean, but I did so in a haze. It takes all of my self-control to stop myself from scarfing down every bite, like I’m starving.

Am I starving? When’s the last time I ate something?

Fuck, I don’t remember most of the last few weeks since we brought Sol back to be healed. There are moments, like the time with Sol when our bond slipped into place, my fights with both Garrett and Storm, and cuddling with Pike in his wolf form during the last few weeks. For a while, it was the only way I could get any sleep, but that didn’t last. Before I knew it, it didn't matter how tired I was or who I was with; thoughts of Lyle and memories of that night had me tossing and turning or waking up in a panic.

Despite not having a good grasp of time, I know the guys have been making me eat over the last few weeks. I can’t even imagine Blair letting me skip a meal, let alone days’ worth of them.