Page 38 of Save Me

“Well, I’m out here looking for our son before she notices I’ve lost him.”

I laugh because we both know where he probably is. As if on cue, my gorgeous husband rounds the side of the winery building with our two-year-old nephew Oscar chattering away in his arms. My heart does that little achy, happy thing at the sight of them together. Ash is so good with Oscar, even though he doesn’t think he’s father material, and Oscar absolutely adores his Uncle Ash. More often than not, where you find one, you find the other. A grin splits Ash’s face, and he points at us. “Ah, Oscar, look who it is! It’s Mummy, and Uncle Jamie!”

Oscar’s head whips around and his grin shows all of his perfect little white teeth. He wiggles in Ash’s arms, squirming to be put down. “Mummy!” His little legs propel him across the cobblestone patio and into his mother’s arms.

“Hello, peanut! Were you and Uncle Ash off on an adventure?” She lifts him up and he throws his small arms around her neck and squeezes; tightly, judging by how Clara looks as if she’s choking.

Oscar nods vigorously and points back the way they came. “I wath runnin’ fatht!” His little lisp makes me smile. My sister Kenna couldn’t say her esses when she was little either, and it’s charming that it runs in the family.

Clara gives him big surprised eyes and grins at Ash. “That sounds lovely! Thank you, Uncle Ash, for wearing him out a bit.”

Ash grins and fixes Oscar’s shirt so it’s not riding up in the back. “You were in the office and Kenna was speaking with the staff. Oscar looked like he was in need of a quick outing, so off we went.”

“Unca Ash ith my betht friend, Mummy.”

We all chuckle, and I glance at Ash, who has a wistfulness to his gaze. “You’re my best friend too, buddy.”

“Hey! What about me?” I slip my arm around Ash’s waist and feign hurt feelings.

Before he can respond, Oscar interrupts. “Mummy, I want a cookie.” He leans sideways and points at my nephew Will, who pops the last of something into his mouth.

Clara jostles him a bit and looks at us and smiles. “Sounds like a fantastic idea, Oscar. Perhaps we’ll find Ma and see if she’d like to join us in finding cookies!”

“Yeth!” Oscar claps his hands and wiggles in her arms.

Clara winks at us as she turns back to the tasting room. “We’ll see you both later. Thanks again, Ash.”

We watch them disappear into the Winery, and I pull my husband into a hug.

“Nervous?”

He makes a scoffing noise. “Please. We’ve already launched a successful Chardonnay and Sauv Blanc. There is nothing to be nervous about.” He leans most of his weight into me and tightens his arms. “I am excited though.”

I hold him even closer. “I’m so proud of you, Ash. You’ve made this winery a success.”

“We made it a success.” He leans back so he can see my face. “You, me, our family.” My heart does that little flippy thing again. It took a few years, but Ash now considers my family his, and even calls my parents Ma and Da like the rest of us do. The entire family adores him, of course. Just as he can be a complete pain in the ass, Ash can be incredibly charming when he chooses to be, and he chooses to be charming with them.

It’s a good thing, too, because Jupiter Winery has definitely become a family venture. My sister Kenna is the winery manager, her wife Clara, who is a CPA, is our accountant, my brother Cam helps me in the vineyard when he’s not at my parents’ farm, and in the summers my nephews help with odd jobs. Quinn even designed and oversaw the renovations to the building and grounds. I’m surrounded by family every day, and I couldn’t be happier.

“Jamie.” There’s hesitation in his voice and his arms tighten around my waist.

I hold him close and make soothing sounds. “It’s alright, sweetheart. The wine is amazing. Everyone will love it.”

He shakes his head, like that isn’t the problem. “Yes, of course they will. It’s spectacular.” He’s squeezing me so tightly now that it’s almost difficult to breathe. “Do you really think I’d be any good at it?”

The words are barely a whisper, and if his lips weren’t right next to my ear, I might have missed them altogether. “Good at what?” I try to slow my racing heart because I think I already know what it is, but I don’t want to assume.

“Children. Parenting.”

My heart aches for how frightened he sounds. “Sweetheart. I think you’d be an amazing parent.”

“I didn’t have the best examples. What if I’m horrible at it and the children end up like me?”

The children. More than one. I keep a lid on my emotions and focus on his concerns. “What if you’re so much better at it than your parents were? You know what you didn’t like about how they did things, so you just don’t repeat them. Plus, we’d be parenting together. And the entire MacDougall clan would help. You wouldn’t be in it alone.”

“And we’re safe now.” That had been a huge worry for the first few months after Oliver’s death. There was some real concern about staying in Washington with the cartel still active, but the Marshals had leaked that Ashley Pandey had died at the Laszlo estate from a gunshot wound sustained during a break-in the same night Oliver had passed, and the news outlets jumped on the story like sharks on chum.

Word came a few weeks later that Jason Laszlo had taken his own life in prison. He’d left behind a letter stating he had nothing to live for, detailing his part in the illegal drug trials, connecting previously unconnected dots, and naming names. There was enough damning information for the FBI to charge several key board members with negligence and manslaughter for the illnesses and deaths that occurred because of the drug trials, and round up most of the remaining cartel members.

Ash became Ashley Oliver Pétillant, but I stayed Seumas MacDougall. There was no need for me to change identities at that point. We got married in a beautiful ceremony at the cabin, complete with friends, family, and yards and yards of gauze, and Ashley Pétillant became Ashley MacDougall, which added another layer of protection for him, and we moved on with our lives. Four years later we haven’t heard a peep, and it’s highly unlikely we ever will.

“Wearesafe now.” I hold my breath and let him think. Ash has been so sure he’d be a horrible father that I never thought we’d even get this far.

He pushes back and blinks away his tears. “I think I’d like to try to be a good parent.” With those few words, he makes me happier than he’ll ever know.

“Ash, are you sure? I mean, you’d be incredible.” I’ve wanted a family of my own since I understood what it meant. But with Ash so hesitant, there was nothing to do but be the best uncle I could be and give up on thoughts of kids of my own. But now…

“I already am.” I snort and he grins. “Now, we will be incredible parents.”

I laugh and squeeze him tightly. I guess now that he’s decided it’s something he wants, there is no room for failure. “We will, sweetheart. We absolutely will.”