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And I’m not even joking. Medical equipment clings to me like vines. I’m thankful for the nasal cannula helping me breathe, but the IV pulling at my skin and the sticky electrode pads irritate me.
Dominic chuckles, low and unconvincing. He’s changed into his usual black slacks and shirt, the sleeves stretched tight over his biceps. Even half-dead, I notice.
“Is this real?” My thoughts slip out before I can stop them. “Feels like a dream.”
“It’s real, baby,” he says with an exhausted smile. “But nice to see your sense of humor’s intact.”
“What happened?” My voice is hoarse, my throat raw.
“You were out for over five hours,” he says, but doesn’t move closer. Doesn’t reach for me. Just crosses his arms like he’s holding himself back. I need to feel him—his warmth—without sounding desperate.
“Doc said you flatlined. You lost too much blood.”
My thoughts screech to a halt.
Flatlined?
Notalmostdied.Actuallydied.
I’ve danced with death since the crash that took my mother, but this time, ittookme. And somehow, they pulled me back. It feelswrong, like life and I are playing cat and mouse, and I don’t know which I am.
“But I’m fine now. I’m alive.” My voice cracks. The weight of it sinks in.I died.My heart stopped. For how long? Seconds? Minutes? The thought chills me to my bones. I force a brittle smile. “You can’t get rid of me that easily.”
“It kills me to see you like this, baby.” The pain in his voice makes me tear up, and I can see that he, too, is blinking away his tears as he straightens his back, trying to look unfazed. But that trick doesn’t work on me. “I thought I was going to lose you.”
“Come here.” I pat the bed beside me. He doesn’t move.
I need him.So fucking much.Facing death changes you. Makes you realize what matters.
“You’re not gonna make me beg, are you?” I smirk weakly. “Because Iwillget up and kneel if I have to.”
That does it. He sighs and sits beside me.
“Hold me.”
“Alessa, I—”
“Dominic,please!”
Something in my voice makes him cave. He takes my hand, “even half-dead, you’re still the most dangerous thing in my life. Not because you could hurt me—but because losing you would destroy everything I am.”
And just like that, the pain isn’t as bad. I swallow hard, his words hitting deeper than any painkiller could. “God, when you say things like that...” I touch his face gently. “If you say one more word, I swear I’ll pass out right here,” I manage, breathing through the pain.
“You’re a bossy little thing, aren’t you?” His smile reaches his eyes this time.
“Look, Dominic.” I pause, forcing clarity through the haze of pain. “I knew what I was getting into. The Cosa Nostra isn’t a walk in the park. Things happen.” My fingers tighten around his, grounding myself. “Shit like this happens. But we survived. Raffy is dead. And once you get into the Commission...” I search his face, trying to break through the fortress of restraint. “We’re going to be okay.”
His jaw locks, eyes darkening. A muscle in his cheek twitches—a tell I’ve come to recognize. He’s holding back.
“I’ve never been afraid of dying, Alessa. Not once. Death and I have been playing this game since I was a kid. But now, I’m terrified of not living enough days with you. Of missing a singlemoment. That’s new for me—counting days as precious instead of just another opportunity to spill blood. Before you, I was just surviving. Now I actually give a damn about tomorrow.”
“I can’t let you die in the Cosa Nostra, Alessa.” His voice is raw, weighted with something I rarely hear from him. “And I don’t want that on my conscience. I can’t lose someone else I care about... I’m sick of the shit.”
Care about. The words hang between us, unexpectedly tender. My heart stutters. He cares. Not just as his assignment. Not just as his lover. But as someone he can’t bear to lose.
I swallow hard. This isn’t the time to melt. It’s the time to make him understand.
“I don’t give a fuck what you want,” I say, though I soften the words with a squeeze of his hand. “I’ve made my choice, Dominic. You’re part of that choice.” I hold his gaze, steady and unwavering. “If gunshot wounds and bombings come with it… if your enemies become mine… I accept that.”