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I take a flash drive from a drawer and plug it into the computer. There’s a folder labeled “Clients” and inside it is a folder for each of the twenty-two men who hurt my mother.
I feel dirty for having watched all of these, even though I watched through blurred spaces between my fingers the way a child watches a horror movie. But I needed it to fuel my rage and resolve to ensure she got justice even if it was far too late for that. I needed it so I could steel myself against the lies these men would tell me to save their own skin.
“Father Rossi?” she says in response to his labeled folder. “You killed the priest who married us?”
“Didn’t you think it was weird that he just disappeared right after the wedding and didn’t even perform the Mass the next day?”
Clearly she didn’t read every name on the list. Her gaze must have gone straight to the only one that wasn’t marked out yet.
She’s shutting down on me. She’s scared of me again, probably more scared than she’s ever been because she knows far more than a wife should know. But there is no omerta to keep. This is my business and mine alone. I can tell whoever I want about it, no matter how ill-advised that choice may be.
I open the folder with Maddie’s dad’s name. “Are you sure you want to see this? Once you do, you can’t unsee it.”
Maybe I should go easy on her and just show her one of the other videos from someone else. But probably not Father Rossi.
I start to click on one of the videos.
“No, I believe you,” she says.
I don’t know if she does. I don’t know if she’ll ever believe it or truly get it if she doesn’t see this, but if I force her to watch her own father rape my mother, I’m just as bad as he is. It’s just too fucked up.
I remove the flash drive, and I can tell she’s still not sure if this is all some trick. But why would I kill her father of all people if I wasn’t absolutely sure? Does she think I want to drive a wedge between us I can’t ever undo? I know what I’m sacrificing to follow through on this. If I could stop this compulsion I would.
She’s crying quietly now. “Please, Aidan. I know it’s bad, but he’s still my dad. I can’t… you can’t… please…”
“Let’s go. I can’t leave you down here. I’m the only way out.”
She follows me reluctantly out of the secured room and out of the basement.
When we reach the entryway on the main level I head for the door. Now that she knows, it’s best that I just get this ugly business over with. I don’t think this kill is going to be nearly as satisfying as all the others.
“Aidan, wait. Just… don’t do it tonight. Sleep on it. Come with me to bed.” She holds out a hand to me as if she can summon me like some ancient witch.
I’ve already slept on it for far too many nights, and I just can’t do it again.
I know what she’s doing, and I’m so tempted, because I know if I walk out this door and kill her father right now, things will never be the same between us. The fragile trust we’ve built, the love that could blossom with just a little more patience will be impossible after tonight.
I go to her and thread my fingers through her golden wavy hair. I grip the back of her neck and pull her toward me for a kiss while she’s still pliant enough to be receptive to it.
Even though she spit on me just a little while ago, she’s realized the one possible tool she has to make me stay, and she’s willing to use it now. She opens for me, her tongue moving desperately with mine. I know this is the last time she will ever kiss me this way, but I’m too much of a greedy bastard not to take it and give her the small hope that she can seduce me away from my mission. I just want to feel her welcoming warm mouth against mine one more time. I may never be able to win her back after this. And I already know I can’t force her. I can’t be like the men who hurt my mother. I can’t drive her to that same kind of desperation. I can’t restart the cycle again.
When I finally pull away, she takes my hand in hers. “Just come to bed.”
I sigh and stroke the side of her cheek, soaking up everything about her in this moment. “I can’t. I’m sorry, Maddie.” I turn to my guards. “Don’t let her out of the house until I return.”
“No! Aidan, don’t do this! Please, I’ll do anything. Please,” she’s sobbing, and I can’t stand to see her cry.
I turn away. A vase crashes into the wall, narrowly missing my head as I walk out the door to take the last name off the list wishing it was anybody in the world but Albert Prescott.
Twenty-Nine
Maddie
I scream at him as the door closes and run toward it, but the guards make good on following Aidan’s orders and block my exit.
“Mrs. Stryker, we need you to calm down. This kind of outburst does no one any good,” one of them says.
Then Cora’s hands are on my shoulders. “Come with me to the kitchen, I’ll make you some tea.”