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Inside, I am gutted, a hollowed-out core.

I crane my neck back and gaze up at the sky, trying in vain to locate a moon in a cloud-dense night.

“What are you doing?” Killian grips my arms, his voice barely so much as a whisper.

“I want you to swear it on the moon,” I say.

“Which moon?” Killian asks. “The one hidden behind the clouds, or the one Arthur has tasked you to find?”

My skin pricks with chills, and for a moment, I wonder if that’s why Arthur made the last-minute swap.

Was it because he knew I was worried about having to sneak away from Braxton, so he sent Killian to alleviate that problem?

I lower my chin and level my gaze on Killian’s. “How do you know about that?”

“About Arthur’s Antikythera?” He raises his brows. “He sent me to get the Sun when… Well, let’s just say, that’s the Trip that went south.”

“Then he sent me to find it.”

“And you did. You scored major points with Arthur that day.”

I shrug like I don’t care either way. “Aren’t you worried about what Arthur plans to do with the Antikythera Mechanism once it’s complete?” I ask.

“Why would I be worried?” Killian squints. “Arthur’s been very good to me, and I trust him implicitly. And you shouldn’t worry, either, Shiv. It’s clear how much he values you.”

“What makes you say that?”

“Well, just think about it. Out of everyone at Gray Wolf, he chose you to go after the Sun and the Moon. Not Hawke, not Keane, not Roxanne—not even Elodie. Hell, he didn’t even send Braxton to give him a chance to make up for the royal fuckup from last time. Out of all those people with their years of experience, you’re the one he sent. I think it’s obvious, Shiv.”

“Who else knows?” I ask. “About the Antikythera?”

“I think what you’re really asking is if Braxton knows.”

I give a tentative nod.

“Seems to me that if your relationship is as close as you think, then you wouldn’t be looking to me for the answer.”

There’s no denying that’s true.

He holds my gaze for a long, steady beat, then, lifting his face to the sky, he says, “I found it. It’s right there.”

I follow the direction of his finger, all the way to where the clouds have parted to reveal a slice of pale Tuscan moon.

“And now that I’ve located your moon, what is it you want me to do?”

“I want you to swear on it,” I say, my voice shaky. “I know it seems like a child’s game, but I’m serious. I need you to swear that everything you told me tonight is true.”

“You are aware of the Shakespeare quote?” His narrowed eyes fix on mine.

I stare at him blankly. Arthur has sent loads of Shakespeare quotes to my slab, but I have no idea which one Killian’s referring to.

“O, swear not by the moon, the inconstant moon,” he says, his voice quiet, eloquent, blending into the night.

“All I want is the truth,” I tell him, my own voice indignant. “No more games, no more lies. I need you to promise you’ve been honest with me.”

Without hesitation, Killian presses a hand to his heart and, in a solemn voice, says, “I swear to you, Shiv. I swear on the moon to every last word.”

As my eyes lock on his, these are the words that spin through my head:I am Natasha Antoinette Clarke. This is not my time, this is not my place, this is not my boyfriend, and I am most definitely not in a Fade. So whatever comes next is entirely on me…