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My beta needed to hear the plan, so we couldn’t move yet. We risked losing her all over again if we charged in blindly.

“Oh yeah? What’s the plan?” Eli asked.

“Tell the hired men to look for her there and report back if they find her,” I said. “Once we know she is there, then I will go in myself.”

“What? Why? It’srogueterritory. You are the king! They would love to take you down and claim the kingdom for themselves.”

I looked at my beta and sighed. He spoke the truth, but that wasn’t how I would get my mate back. Blood and death weren’t the way to show my mate I wanted her back and regretted what I had done.

“Because I must fight for her myself.”

24

Kylie

The adjustment to connecting with my lycan was not as instant as I had thought. She was there, deep inside me, and knowing I could call on her was reassuring. Some days, reaching out to her was easy, but drawing on her energy and strength took some getting used to. While walking through the cabin, I’d forget how to connect with her, leaving my body too exhausted and on the floor by the time Charlotte and Nathaniel came home. They took it upon themselves to teach me more ways to connect with my lycan. One of these methods was meditation.

“Find your center, Kylie. Focus on your breathing and reach out to your lycan,” Charlotte coached me.

Sitting on the soft grass outside the cabin with my legs crossed, hands on my knees, eyes closed, and inhaling the warm breeze, I wasn’t sure if I could. My past attempts hadn’t been consistent. I didn’t know what was wrong with me, but I couldn’t maintainthe connection like I thought I would. My heart raced as I feared I might never master this and doom my child to have a weak mother—someone who couldn’t teach them how to do this because I couldn’t do it myself. My breathing became erratic, as if I couldn’t catch my breath. My eyes flew open as my hand clutched my chest. Lycans didn’t die of heart attacks, but it sure as hell felt like one as I leaned forward, gasping for air.

“Kylie…Kylie!Look at me, sweetheart. Deep breaths. What’s going on?” Charlotte called out to me, her hands on my shoulders.

It seemed as though there were two of her as my vision swirled. Tears rolled down my face as I struggled to regain control of my breathing. My lycan felt as if she were in a cage, ramming against it to reach me. This hadn’t been this hard before, so why was it so difficult now?

“Breathe, Kylie. Deep breath in, deep breath out. Listen to my voice and follow my command,” Charlotte’s words washed over me, a hint of her power laced within to make my body listen.

It was the only thing that worked. The deep breaths came and went; slowly, my heart calmed, and my breathing returned to normal. I leaned back and let my weight hit the grass. It felt cool to the touch, helping to ease the layer of sweat that had formed on my skin. The sky looked bluer than ever on that clear day, and I chose to focus on it as I grounded myself. This was going to be much harder than I thought. Even now, my lycan remained retreated inside me as if she were afraid to come out.

What is wrong with us? Why are you retreating when I finally brought you to the surface?

She didn’t answer. I could hear her faint whimpers inside me, and I wished I understood what was going on.

A small growl escaped me. Charlotte hovered over my face to look at me, and I let out a sigh. This wasn’t going as planned. I really wished I understood why I had so much trouble connecting with my lycan.

My hands went to my stomach, the small bump now protruding enough for me to see past it. I could feel the baby kick now, and it brought me more joy than I could imagine, feeling the life I created rolling around inside me. A soft breeze swept through, and breathing in its warm scent, carrying hints of the nearby woods, brought me to a place where I felt I could breathe.

It’s been hard the last few months. If I didn’t have Charlotte and Nathaniel, I didn’t know where I would be. Even now, Charlotte was at my side, whispering calming words to me so I could become grounded enough to continue the exercise. My pup kicked me, and I smiled at my stomach. It felt so strong already, determined to show me they wanted me to fight as they kicked and punched me from the inside. It was something I didn’t think I’d grow used to, but every time I felt like giving up, they were there to remind me why I fought so hard to get here in the first place.

Sure enough, I felt the cage unlock on my lycan once more. It was slow, but I could feel her energy replenishing everything I had lost during my panic attack. It was like a comforting hug from the inside, the warmth of her presence enveloping me. Almost as if she moved too quickly, she would startle me; she inched her way through my system until I could feel her just under my skin. Something about it made me feel like I couldshift right now if I wanted to, but I didn’t see a point in doing that. Soon enough, I felt the edge of the panic attack disappear.

There you are.

Yes. It feels good to be out of that cage.

How did you end up in there? We were making progress, and then it was like you retreated into it.

Fear will always cage you from being the person you are meant to be.

Those words struck me hard. I hadn’t realized I was the reason my lycan had been caged. After that initial night, it scared the hell out of me to feel her so connected with me. I had spent too long without her, even though I knew my lycan should always be part of me. Too many conflicting thoughts caused me to fear her presence, even though I knew she was meant to be part of me.

I’m sorry. So much is changing in my life. It’s hard not to fear it.

Change is scary, but that is what I am here for.

I know. I’ll do better.

Even feeling my lycan reconnecting with me helped ease the fear of carrying the pup inside me. Every time I didn’t feel connected with my other half, it made me want to throw up. It grew worse knowing I was still hiding from Maximus. The rogue territory felt like the safest place for me, but what if he learned where I was and came here? Maximus was a fair and noble king, but would he still be that way after I ran from him?