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Her head snapped up. “What?”
“Well, at least that got you to look at me.”
“What gives you the right to hate him? You don’t know him.”
“He abandoned you. That’s all I need to know.”
“You don’t know what happened to him. He never would have left if he’d had a choice.”
“And you’re sure of this?”
No.
And that had been the crux of her reluctance to bring the entire OZ team in on finding him, the seed of doubt that he had left her willingly. What if she had been a liability to Brody in more ways than one? As much as she wanted to believe he hadn’t voluntarily abandoned her, she feared that he’d wanted to wash his hands of a responsibility that never should have been his in the first place. They weren’t related by blood. Just because his dad married her mom shouldn’t have forced him to feel responsible for her. Maybe he’d realized that and decided to cut out on his own.
Even as she had the thought, she felt guilty for even going there. No brother had ever been more loyal or caring than Brody. And now, knowing that he had assassinated Bass, she knew her original fears were real—something awful must have happened to change him so completely.
What would happen if she told Xavier that Brody had been the shooter? OZ would go after him. While he needed to be found, what could happen once he was found was what terrified her. Those nightmares she’d had might become all too real.
No. She had to find him on her own. Once she did, she would persuade him to go with her to OZ so they could work this out together. The only way to make sure everyone stayed safe was if she found him first.
“I’m going to take a leave of absence from OZ.”
His expression was a mixture of shock and regret. “What? Why? Because of what I said? Jazz…sweetheart?—”
“No…not really. But it did get me to thinking that time off would be good for me. Give me some distance. Some perspective.”
“You’re going to do that now? While we’re in the middle of an op?”
“The op got redirected last night because of…” She swallowed hard and continued, “Because of the shooting. All we’re doing now is running down leads. Hawke can easily come back and help you out.”
“Jazz…no.” He took her hand in his and squeezed gently. “Sweetheart, don’t do this. Let’s work this out together.”
The tenderness in his touch, in his eyes, his soft words were almost her undoing. Keeping her emotions in check was the only way she was going to get through this. Xavier meant more to her than anyone in the world, and she trusted him with her life. Unfortunately, she couldn’t trust him with her brother’s life. Not now.
She gave a brief squeeze to his hand and then pulled away. Getting to her feet, she leaned forward and kissed his cheek. “I’ll be in touch.”
She turned and sped away, knowing if she didn’t move fast, she’d spill her guts.
Every fiber of his being urged Xavier to stop her. His heart slammed heavily against his chest, and his muscles ached from the force of staying seated. This was all on him. He’d pushed her too hard last night. Brody was a hot-button issue for them. And he freely admitted that he wasn’t good at hiding how he felt about her deadbeat brother.
She had practically run out of the restaurant, making it more than clear that she wanted to get away from him.
Maybe this time off would be good for her. After she’d almost died in that op in Zambia, everyone had urged her to stay off for a few more weeks, but she had refused. He and Ash had both agreed that while Jazz hadn’t been fully healed, she needed to work. Everyone at OZ had demons they fought on a daily basis. Staying focused on a case helped keep those demons at bay. He’d been there, done that. Scar tissue from a thousand hurts had toughened him up, and he’d learned to deal. Working helped Jazz deal, too.
Guilt ate at him because he knew he was the biggest reason she needed time away. He stood, threw down enough money to pay the bill along with a generous tip, and strode out the door. Five seconds later, his phone buzzed, and he didn’t even have to check the screen to know the identity of the caller.
“Hawke will be there by midnight.”
The grimness in Ash’s voice told him everything he needed to know. His boss was pissed.
“It was her decision, Ash.”
“Yeah, and you didn’t help the situation, did you?”
He already felt like a shithead. Having his boss confirm his thoughts didn’t help.
“No, I didn’t,” Xavier admitted. “What’d she tell you?”