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“How do you want to do this?” Dimitri finally asks.
“I need to get your clothes, Hope,” Jaxon calls. “I’ll be right back. Knox is here. He won’t close the door.”
I want to ask about my father. I want to know if he’s alive, but based on what Knox said about doing worse, he must be. I shudder despite the warm water, then reach down and make it hot enough to melt my skin, to burn away my father’s touch.
“You don’t want us in there, so Dimitri and I will stay right by the door,” Knox says.
I shake my head. I can’t wash myself. I can’t close my eyes. I can’t turn my back to the curtain. I need to see them.
“Hope?” Dimitri asks.
“C-closer,” I whisper.
I see Dimitri’s shadow, but that just makes it worse. I grab the curtain and cling to it as I open it. Knox looks at me, his gaze steady on my face. “Whatever you need, we’ll do. All you have to do is say it.”
“Um…” I don’t know what to ask for without sounding pathetic. I close my eyes. “I… I need to see you, but… turn around?”
Neither of them respond for a moment, then Knox turns around and Dimitri does the same. I open the curtain further and hear Knox tell Jaxon to bring the clothes but to stay facing the doorway and not the shower. I still can’t close my eyes.
I need to see them to know they’re still here. I need to hear them. I need to know I’m not alone, back in that room, still lost in something like a hallucination or fantasy.
Using my nails, I scrub my skin, applying more soap than necessary. I slide down to the tub to wash my hair and the rest of myself, then just sit there for a long moment.
“He’s alive, yeah?” Jaxon asks.
“Yeah,” Knox answers.
“Why?” Jaxon pushes.
“Shut up, Jax. Not the time,” Dimitri growls.
“It is the time. This is too much. You knew exactly what I was going to do when we started this. He hurt her. Again. And again. And again,” Jaxon snarls. “We’re fixing it and finishing it.”
“Later,” Knox says.
“What the fuck is up with you? I figured you’d rip him to shreds. Now you’re being—”
“Not. Now,” Knox snarls right back.
I turn off the water, but don’t get up. I hide myself behind the curtain and see Dimitri start to turn before catching himself. Three large men. The three men I hated, hated to like, hated to care about are all waiting for me. It’s warped and wrong. They make demands. They take whatever opportunity they’re given.
I sniffle and shiver in my own nakedness. I’ve never felt so raw in my life. I didn’t think it was possible after everything. But breaking down and sobbing in front of these three… “I’m done.”
“Can I turn around to bring your clothes?” Jaxon asks.
I nod, realize they can’t see me and that nodding is almost more painful than speaking, and croak out a yes. Jaxon glances back, then walks to me. He puts the clothes on the sink then turns back around. Dimitri gives me some space so I can step out of the shower, towel off, and change into a shirt that’s not mine and sweats that I have to roll multiple times just so they come close to fitting. “I thought you said you brought clothes for me.”
“I did,” Jaxon says.
“But these are yours,” I comment.
“Yeah, so?” he asks. “They’re clothes, they cover you, and I didn’t go through your drawers.”
I almost scoff, but I do like how covered I feel. This isn’t sexy. It’s not revealing. I’m clean, I’m warm, I smell Jaxon’s cologne on the shirt and it’s definitely better than what they could have brought or what I had here. I adjust the shirt and put my hand on Dimitri’s arm.
He softens under my touch.
“I’m dressed,” I finally announce.