Page 109

"It’s personal."
"Ask me what you want to know," I said, curious about what Shy wanted to know.
Shy took a deep breath, "What happened between you and Bobby? I know there’s some drama with you two, but no one will ever say why."
"Did you ask Bobby?"
"No. Me and Bobby are cool, at least we are now, but I haven’t felt comfortable enough with him to ask."
"And you feel comfortable with me?"
"Yes, I do."
I looked at Shy. "I know what Black sees in you."
"What’s that?"
"It’s your eyes."
"You do know him." Shy leaned against the bar. "He said I have beautiful eyes, very expressive eyes."
"Your eyes say, it’s okay, Nick, you can tell me."
"Well?" Shy said.
She listened quietly while I told her the story. Once I finished, she said, "I understand why you’re havin’ such a hard time facing Bobby."
"You wanna share that wisdom with me?"
"You said it yourself. Betrayal. When you betrayed Bobby’s trust, you said you felt like you betrayed everybody."
"And?"
"That includes you. You betrayed yourself. And that’s what hurts you. So now that you know the whole story, you’re gonna have to forgive yourself for what happened. You were just a pawn in whatever game this woman was playing. Maybe when you forgive yourself, it will be easier for you to ask Bobby to forgive you."
I thought about what Shy said. "Maybe you’re right. I dishonored myself and then ran away, like a coward. I have to move past that. Make peace with Bobby and myself. Maybe then I won’t feel like such an outsider."
"That right," Shy said, and poured both of us another drink. "You know you have very trusting eyes, too. Or maybe its because I feel like an outsider sometimes, too, I don’t know. But I have to talk to somebody or I’ll go crazy." Shy took a sip of her drink. "Black’s not here because we had a fight last night. He left the house and I haven’t seen him since. He may be in New York or he may be right here on this island, I don’t know."
"What was the fight about?"
"You hit it dead center when you said I was bored. I miss New York and I want to go home. I really haven’t made any real friends down here," Shy leaned forward and whispered, "Probably because I can’t understand what they’re sayin’ half the time," Shy laughed. "And these woman, oh god, why they all gotta fall all over my man. And it’s not just these island bitches, the tourists are worst. Why do they have to have their half-naked asses, all up in his face, gigglin’ over every word he says, while I’m standin’ right there? I mean, Nick I try to rise above that, ’cause I know he really ain’t like that any more, but its hard. Bitches ain’t got no respect."
"Sometimes gettin’ bitches respect is over rated. As long as Black shows you respect, fuck them bitches. You’re his wife."
"I know that, Nick. And Michael shows me nothing but love and respect. And I love him so much for that. I know that’s just something I got to past. I guess I’m just a jealous woman and I’m tired of it, you know what I’m sayin’?" Shy poured herself another drink, and then she pushed the glass away. "But that’s not the real issue. That was just something I threw in to spice things up a little I guess," she laughed. "The fight was really about me wantin’ to go back to New York."
"But you can’t, because of the conspiracy charge," I said.
"He lost it when I told him that I would rather go home and do my time then say down here. I don’t want to be on the run for the rest of my life, Nick. I want to be free."
"I can understand that. I know what it’s like to carry around a burden. Sometimes you got to face it, not runaway from it," I said, knowing that I should take my own advice. Just then, I looked and saw somebody I thought I knew sitting at a table by the door. "Excuse me a minute Shy, I’ll be right back." I got up and walked over to him. "Roman, Roman Patterson?" I asked. The man didn’t answer at first. He looked at the door and then slowly at me.
"Nick Simmons?" he said quietly and looked back at the door. "What are you doin’ here?"
"I’m visiting some old friends." I started to sit down.
"Get away from me, Nick. I’m waiting for somebody," he said practically in a whisper.