Page 175

Odette smiles sadly. “I remember that, too.”

The fondness that runs between them might not be full of heat, but there’s still an unmistakable warmth. When Pace looks at me, I realize it might take a while for him to feel it—to find a place to put the bursting shock of having so much family—but in his eyes, I see a man made whole.

Gazing over at Justice, I wonder if he’ll be where I am one day, listening to me and his dads relay the blinding brightness of our reigning days. If he does, I decide I want it to be just like this.

No dungeons or pain or death.

Just love.

I remembermy coronation feeling like a wedding.

It was almost a year ago that I entered the ceremonial room with Rufus Ashby giving me away to his three vicious sons. I think about that and my throning—even the cleansing—less and less these days. It feels so far away, as if it happened in a different place with different people. And I suppose, in a way, it did.

But today feels a lot like a wedding, too.

Not between me and a man—or three men. It’s the Royal Ascension; a ceremony to bind me as the mother of the next leader of East End.

“Okay, turn and let me look.”

I turn and face my mother, who adjusts the neck of my dress. I made a decision weeks ago that East End wasn’t going to hold women to some bullshit purity standard anymore. Nothing about being Royal is pure. Maybe that’s why they covet the idea of it so much.

This new idea of mine begins with the dresses. No more fucking white.

The one I’m wearing is a deep, emerald green.

The color of thriving life.

That’swhat East End should be about.

“Never thought I’d say it,” Mama tells me, eyes darting up, “but goddamn, you look good in a tiara.”

I grin, reaching up to fidget with it. “You don’t hate it?”

“Because Rufus gave it to you?” She scoffs, giving Justice, who’s nestled in the crook of her arm, a gentle bounce. “Isn’t like that fucker ever wore it. You know who did? Miranda. Odette. Adeline…”

Getting her point, I inhale deeply, turning to the mirror. It’s been almost two months since I had Justice. I’m not quite back into my pre-pregnancy clothes, and my tits are still massive, but slowly, I’m starting to feel like myself again.

“Thank you, Mama.” I stand still while she fusses with one of my curls with her free hand. Justice, still sleepy from a feeding, will hopefully stay mostly quiet for the event. “And thank you for coming. I know none of this makes sense to you. Why I’ve embraced this world.”

“It’s definitely not what I expected,” she says.

Even though I don’t hear disapproval in her tone, I still feel compelled to put it into words. But it’s hard to explain something that’s so fragile and new. “I’m trying to change things for the women of Forsyth, just like Story and Lavinia.” I think of my mother and Adeline, rescuing Odette from the dungeon, and add, “Like you.”

Her face softens, a sad smile springing to her lips. “I’m afraid I didn’t accomplish much, Ver Bear.”

I argue, “Because it’s not easy. It’s definitely not fast. And it’s come with a lot of pain, which I only survived because of the strength you gave me.” I stress, “You did more than you give yourself credit for.”

“Son of a—” Blinking, she dabs under a watery eye. “You’re going to make me mess up my goddamn eyeliner.” I laugh, because my mother isn’t good at emotion, but her hand still clasps mine, squeezing.

“I thought you were raising me to be a Duchess, but it turns out the draw to East End came naturally.” I peer through the glass doors, down to where my Princes wait for me. Taking a steeling breath, I tell her, “The guys want to take our name.”

She blinks harder. “They do?”

I nod. “I love them, and they love me. I have a family, and all of us consider you part of it, territory lines be damned.”

She presses a kiss to the baby’s head. “I see the way they look at you and J.J.” Her chin lifts, mouth set in an angry frown. “I also saw the marks on Lex’s back. I can only imagine the scars Wicker and Pace carry run just as deep. Those men went through hell to get where they are today, to get to you.”

“They did,” I agree, so relieved and grateful she’s able to see not just the pain in them, but also their devotion.