Page 29

“Man Child?” Sarah says over the speakers.

“We're headed your way. I need your help getting through to him.”

“Finally,” she grumbles, annoyance clear in her voice. “I'm done with you moping around the apartment because you're worried about him.”

“Aw.” I shift in the leather seat to face T, placing my elbows on the center console and resting my chin on my fists as I bat my lashes at him. “You were worried about me.”

“We're twenty minutes out. Be there soon.” The background static cuts off as he ends the call.

“You love me,” I say, reaching over and laying a hand over his thigh. Surprisingly, keeping a straight face is more difficult than keeping my shit together the past few weeks.

“I will break every finger on that hand, Playboy.” I snatch it back to my side, a genuine smile fighting its way through for the first time in weeks. “And yes, if you must know, I've been worried about you.”

Dropping the act, I rest my head back against the headrest and close my eyes. “I just need time.”

“You're out of time. We all are. We're stepping up to the presidential alpha security team. I need you on fucking point, and I need my friend.”

“I've told you I'm fine.”

“You think you're the only one who thinks he failed that kid?” Peeking an eye open, I watch my friend’s fingers as they tighten, his knuckles going white around the steering wheel. “I was his team lead. I allowed him to lead that team in Austin. I knew he wasn't ready for that kind of responsibility, but it was what he wanted, and I knew he'd do a good job. I put him in the role that got him killed.”

Suddenly the selfishness comment he shouted earlier takes root, supporting his claim. I am a selfish bastard. Here I am dwelling on all my issues when my best friend is drowning in guilt. I’m a damn asshole.

“Davis.” I scrub a hand over my face before running my fingers through my hair. “He was ready for that role. How would any of us have known something like that would happen to the VP's daughter? We had extra protection that night even. It could've been any one of us.”

“Is that what's eating you?”

I mull over his question, not really sure of the honest response. “Maybe. It's a damn punch to the balls when the reality of what could happen to any one of us actually happens.” The cold air fills my lungs as I inhale deep. “Being shot didn't help either. I was almost a casualty to this job too.”

“Yeah you were.”

Shifting in the seat, I rest my elbow on the door and press two fingertips to the cloth-covered roof. “A lot changed that day.” My uncomfortable cough diverts his attention from the windshield for half a second. “I think that's what’s wrong.”

“Do you regret confronting your parents?”

“Fuck no,” I say with strength behind it. “My father is a perverted asshole who is currently getting what he deserves. Same with my mother. She's finally being exposed for who she truly is. No, I don't regret it, but that doesn't change the fact that the core of who I am shifted that day. Then the shooting, surgery, waking up and finding out Randi was sworn in.” The hand on my thigh tightens into a fist. “What do I have to offer her now?”

“I don't follow.” Switching hands on the wheel, he leans an elbow against the door, mirroring me. “You're still the same idiot you were before you were shot. She knows all about your parents and knows it had nothing to do with you.”

“Am I? Am I the same person now? I don't feel the same.”

“Describe it.”

The tendons of my fingers ache as I stretch them out to rub a sweaty palm along my thigh. “I can't.”

“One thing.”

I huff a laugh. “One thing.” Gazing out the window, I try to pinpoint just one of the messed-up thoughts that have been on a continuous loop the past several weeks. “It hurt,” I say after a few minutes of comfortable silence. “The pain was worse than I expected, but that's not what's playing on repeat. I can't shake the fear.”

“That's normal, man.”

I shake my head. “No, not fear of dying.” Sliding my gaze to his side, I wait until we're through a yellow light before continuing. “Fear of leaving her behind.” Turning, I sigh and stare at the buildings flashing past my window. “For the first time in my pathetic existence, the thought of not being there for someone, for her, was terrifying. I can't describe it any other way, but that's what keeps me up at night. The look in her eyes when she thought I was leaving her and the absolute pain that it caused knowing I failed her.”

“Yet you're doing it now on purpose.”

I shoot him a look. “That's different.”

“How in the hell is that different? You say you were afraid of leaving her behind, yet you've seen her once, twice since you got out of the hospital?”