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The protective feelings Phoenix stirred in me were a surprise. Yet as I remembered the pain in my chest when Luka, who admitted years after our first sexual foray, I’d hurt him by telling him I wanted to go back to being friends, and I realized my feelings weren’t a new revelation.

What I never admitted aloud was when I was younger, and I could admit to in the recesses of my brain, was that I correlated sex with impermanence.

The women that flitted in and out of my life were temporary. Either I attracted women who didn’t want a long-term relationship or they disappeared from my life as quickly as they entered.

Luka, the one constant in my life, never encouraged my attraction to him after we went back to being friends. I’d locked down the feelings I had toward him for years, not because of any type of embarrassment, but because I hated change. The threat of losing the most important person in my life caused me to panic.

“What are you thinking about?” Phoenix said next to me as I washed the dinner dishes.

After eating their weight in a turkey dinner with all the fixings and more dessert than any one group of humans should have in their lifetime, most of our party crashed in the livingroom, but the parents retreated to their own rooms, to take a nap.

“I never realized over the years how much I worried about losing Luka because of my selfish decisions.”

“How so?”

I snagged a kiss from him, loving the peach rise on his cheeks, before he leaned against the sink. His gaze searched my face, waiting for my answer.

“In college, and after Luka came out to me and his parents, I kept wondering how his lips would taste or the feel of his body pressed against mine. I agonized about asking Luka to put me out of my misery and kiss me, but never drummed up the courage until he went out on his first date with a guy.

“It was abysmal, the date, I mean. I don’t know the details, but dejection poured off him when he arrived home. At a loss to contain my attraction to the man, I blurted out he was the sexiest man I ever laid eyes on and admitted I’d been daydreaming about how his lips felt against mine.”

Drying my hands on a towel, I stepped close to Petal, whose smile made my heart beat faster each time he aimed it my way, and cupped his face.

“I wasn’t scared about being with a guy, but every relationship I’d had fizzled into nothing.”

His eyes widened as he realized what I meant. “You chose Luka as your friend instead because you were afraid of losing him if you two shared everything?”

I nodded and stiffened when I heard Luka clear his throat. As we turned to find the man leaning against the counter, watching both of us with a smile on his face, I relaxed with the realization he wasn’t mad.

“I was afraid, too, B. But I worked out over the past few weeks that we weren’t ready yet.”

Phoenix held out his hand. Of course, Luka was powerless to stay away from either of us. As that realization dawned, I blurted, “We needed Petal with us to make us feel whole. We were so entrenched in being friends, neither of us could be brave without a good reason.”

Luka nodded.

“We’ve had some bumps in the road because of outside forces. But as long as we’re honest with each other and what we want, we’ll grow stronger. I’m not saying we won’t have disagreements in the future, but we’ll get through it. I’ve committed myself to both of you, heart and soul. So B, stop worrying about the past. It made us who we are today, and we’re stronger because of it.”

I sank against Luka, and Phoenix cuddled close to both of us. Luka was right. Things happened for a reason and whatever I did in my past life or this one, I lucked out with the two men I loved more than life itself.

CHAPTER 14

PHOENIX

An unfamiliar ringtone interrupted my exquisite dream involving spreading mango whipped cream on Luka’s cock before fighting off Burton to get a taste.

I assigned both of my men with their own ring tone, and thinking about it as the fog of sleep dissipated, I’d done the same with Arthur, Jude, Charlotte, Drew, Luka’s parents, Burton’s too, along with Gio, and now Fergus, so I didn’t think it was my phone ringing, interrupting my delicious dream.

B grunted and rolled over. Of course, he was no help at all, but Luka’s arm squeezed my waist and I smiled as I felt his entire body pressed against the back of mine before he dropped the bad news.

“The ringing is coming from your phone, Sunshine.”

With painful slowness, I opened my eyes and lifted my head off the pillow to see the time, and gasped.

“Who the fuck is calling me at one in the morning?”

Luka, sensing my panic, rolled over and snagged the offending device from the nightstand and handed it to me. Not recognizing the number, I swiped before I answered with a croak.

“Hello?”