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Pestilence flinches at the word as though I slapped him. It’s the very word that saved my life the night I tried to kill the horseman. The word that’s saved me every night since.

Mercy.

“Did you ever think that maybe your God’smercywas never meant for me?” I ask. “That maybe it was meant for everyone else?”

No, he hadn’t, if his expression is anything to go by.

I turn, beginning to walk away, only to feel the warm press of Pestilence’s fingers in the crook of my arm.

“If I have to tie you to me, Iwill,” Pestilence says. “But I will not let you go.”

I swivel to face him. For all his lofty demands, his face is betraying his true feelings. I can see stark panic in his expression.

He hadn’t anticipated this.

“Pestilence,” I say, my voice calming, “you can force me stay with you, but you can’t make me want to be with you.”

“But you do want to be with me,” he insists. “You called melove.”

I look away. “I did.”

“And you love me.”

My heart beats faster. I may not have said the three words, but the horseman speaks the truth.

My eyes move to him. “I do,” I agree. “And it is not enough.”

He staggers back a step. “Notenough?”

I think I might be hurting him worse than any weapon ever did.

“It’s not enough to overcome whatever else lies in your heart,” I say. “You clearly hate humankind more than you care for me.”

Pestilence’s nostrils flare, but he bites back a response.

He doesn’t deny it. Ouch.

“Love is supposed to bring out the best parts of you,” I continue, reminding him of our talk shortly after Ruth and Rob passed. “Not the worst,” I add quietly.

“I did thisbecauseI love you,” he says fervently. There’s more fear in his eyes than before.

“Love doesn’t work like that.”

But of course, there are other things that go hand-in-hand with love—great, terrible things. Things that for the first time ever, Pestilence is beginning to feel.

You let him into the Garden of Eden, you let him taste forbidden fruit. You gave him the knowledge of good and evil and now you are both paying for it.

I take a step back, committing his face to memory.

Need to leave now, before I cave and return to him.I’d never forgive myself then.

My heart, however, feels like it’s being ripped in two at the prospect of leaving.

“Goodbye, Pestilence.”

Rotating around, I force myself to start down the steps leading away from the mansion.

I haven’t taken more than five paces before the horseman is on me. He scoops me up and carries me inside, kicking the front door closed as he goes.