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‘I know, and I was being really careful with Billy’s tools because he makes me be careful. He shows me how to do things properly and not rush.’

Shannon looked up from her phone. ‘Maybe you should send him to one of those army schools. They make you get up at, like,four in the morning and shout at you and make you run up mountains with a flipping wardrobe on your back and then do push-ups in the mud, and then you have to eat crap food and go to bed at six. He’d be too tired to get into trouble.’

‘Don’t send me away. I just want to go home and see Billy in his shed every week. I’ll be really good in school and I won’t climb onto roofs or try to light firesor anything. I don’tmeanto mess in school, but it’s so boring,’ Ollie wailed.

‘Ollie,’ Darren said, ‘I found school boring. In fact, ninety per cent of kids find it boring, but you have to go. It’s the law.’

Ollie buzzed his bed up and down. ‘Larry’s started tae kwon do. They have a brilliant teacher over in Sandyford. Larry said he’s the best and the classes are deadly fun.’

‘Tae kwon do?’Sarah didn’t like the sound of it.

‘What’s Tie-wandoo?’ Shannon asked. ‘Is it some kind of mad Chinese thing? Is he going to be kicking doors in and breaking the table with his fist?’

‘No, you thick. Tae kwon do is a Korean martial art, and it’s all about fast head-height kicks and spinning kicks.’

‘Oh, brilliant. Yeah, that sounds like a great plan. Send Ollie to a class where he learns todo spin kicks and high kicks so he can kick us all in the head at breakfast. You know he’s just going to end up knocking some kid unconscious in the yard and then you’ll be sorry.’

‘I won’t – I swear I won’t. And anyway, Shannon, at least I’ll be learning something, unlike you who spends all day hanging around with Kelly talking about boys. You’re pathetic.’

‘I’m not the one who always endsup in hospital,’ Shannon said, then turned her attention back to her phone.

‘So, Dad, can I do it? Can I do tae kwon do?’

‘I’ll call the instructor and see if I can get you into that group. But this is your last chance. If you don’t behave from now on and stop trying to injure and kill yourself and give me and your mum and poor Billy heart attacks, I’ll kill you myself.’

Ollie jumped up andthrew his arms into the air. ‘Brilliant! Thanks, Dad and Mum. I promise I’ll behave. I’m going to be the fastest kid in Ireland to go from white belt to black belt.’

‘God save us all.’ Darren reached out and squeezed Sarah’s hand.