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“I don’t know when it happened,” he said.
“What happened?” she asked.
“I guess I’m officially old and settled down,” he said with a laugh. “I’m just not interested in random sex with different women. Not even on vacation. That woman I met last night was interesting, completing her doctorate in astrophysics. I enjoyed getting to know her. The conversation was mentally stimulating.Sex would have been nice; I was attracted to her.” He wasn’t sure why he was having this conversation with this woman.
“Uh-huh,” the bartender said. “Mentally stimulating. And physically?” Then she noticed the group of four that stepped up to the other side of the bar. “Hold that thought.” She moved away to serve them.
Wilson smiled as she retreated. Yeah, he knew it sounded lame. But of course, he couldn’t go into anything regarding the image of the dead boys that had put his mood below adventurous.
When the bartender returned to him, after all the other guests had been served, she leaned in towards him. “Seriously though, if you’re being honest with yourself and me, I think we all get there at some point in time. I know I used to love to party. Bring it on, the more variety the better. But then we all grow up and realize there’s more to relationships than inserting A into B, or maybe even C.” She chuckled.
He laughed with her and nodded.
“So, what’s her name?” she asked.
“Whose name?” Wilson asked.
“The lady you’d rather be with tonight?” She raised both eyebrows.
Wilson smiled. “There’s no one.”
“Uh-huh, well then, there’s the idea you’d rather be with someone special. My friend, you’re not being honest with yourself.”
“I don’t know what you mean,” he said.
She laughed again. “You want someone special in your life. Maybe you’ve already met her, and she isn’t attainable. Maybe you have this image of the perfect woman for you. Either way,you didn’t want to partake in tonight’s festivities with your friend because you’d rather be with a specific woman or the image of that woman.”
“No, I just wasn’t in the mood tonight. I have some work stuff on my mind and, as I said, those girls are way too young.”
“Work stuff?” she asked. “You’re thinking about work stuff here? Then I’d say you really do need to get laid, my friend,” she said with a laugh, placing her hand on his.
Wilson laughed again. “Maybe.”
Other guests came up to the bar, and she had to move away again to serve them, leaving Wilson alone with his drink and his thoughts. He immediately dismissed some of her mistaken observations. He was not looking for a relationship and he didn’t have an image of his perfect woman. He had no time in his life for that, never had while doing this job.
He did realize, though, that over the course of the past few years he had settled down, which maybe was something that came with age and maturity. His mindset used to be work hard, with a serious and deliberate focus, and play even harder. YOLO baby.
He still brought that deliberate focus to work, but play had taken on a new definition. Like this trip. The entire reason for it in his mind was for the warmth of the ocean and the thrill of the dive. It wasn’t about how much adventure he could pack in, and that included adventure of all kinds, including sexual encounters, which yes, once would have been something he actively pursued.
Instead, his thoughts focused on the fact that he had a few days off. Why would he stay in the bitter cold of Chicago and sit around his tiny condo doing nothing when he could be in St. Thomas? Wasn’t that the beauty of his life and doing this job? He put in long hours and risked his ass, making a good buck doing it. He had been a top sniper in Delta, eliminatedany target he was directed to. He knew better than anyone that tomorrow was not guaranteed. He’d learned that pretty quick when he joined Delta. And that fact had fueled many drunk nights indulging in anything that interested him.
“I see you’re deep in thought,” the bartender said as she re-joined him.
“Yeah, still work stuff,” he said.
“What do you do?” she asked.
He thought about it for a second and opted to go with, “Federal law enforcement.”
She seemed to be surprised. “Hum, I wouldn’t have pegged you for that either. I guess I’ve been wrong about you all the way around.”
Wilson chuckled. “Don’t judge a book by its cover.”
“I rarely do that. So, without giving away vital information,” she joked, “what’s weighing on your mind while you’re on vacation?”
Wilson was not normally the spill your guts to a bartender type, but for some reason, he found talking with her easy. She reminded him of Rae in that way. “I was involved in a case that went okay, but it could have gone horribly wrong and that outcome that didn’t happen is weighing on me. I’ve never experienced this. My mindset has always been you do the best you can at the time with the information and resources available, and then move on.”
“What was different this time?” she asked.